Barney [to random girl]: Hey.
Robin: Oh, he's not saying hello, he's just telling you what he feeds his horses. Oh man, I could sit here and make "you look like a farmer" jokes all night. Challenge accepted.

No one, I mean no one could get laid wearing these. Challenge accepted. I, Barney Stinson, of sound mind and amazing body will wear these overalls until have sex with a woman.

Barney [about Marshall's overalls]

Ted: I sent a cab with a female driver so she would have no other male interaction until she came to me.
Barney: Where she will still have no interaction with a man. What up? I feel good tonight. Tonight's gonna be good.

Ted: You know how everyone has that guy or girl that no matter what happens, you know will be perfect for you.
Marshall: Lily.
Robin: Mike Shacks.
Barney: That girl over there.

Robin: Seriously, you take it.
Ted: You sure?
Robin: Slapsolutely.

Ted: This slap was supposed to be a joyous gift. We've let it come between us.
Robin: Oh my God, you're right. This once pure fruit has turned into a poison slapple.

Marshall: I bequeath to you ... the fourth slap.
Ted: Are you saying what we think you're saying?
Marshall: Probably not. Unless you think I'm saying Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap, in which case that's exactly what I'm saying!

Last year you got left at the alter, you lost your job. You've come such a long way from then. I'm so proud of you, Ted. You get to slap someone in the face as hard as you can.


I used think family was a right, but it's a privilege, it needs to be earned.


That slap is mine Mosby. I've never slapped Barney before... above the waist.


Ted: You slept with one of my best friends.
Robin: What? You said you were okay with that!
Ted: Well I'm not.
Robin: Why didn't you say something at the time?
Ted: Because... I'm still in love with you.
Robin: Do you really want to slap Barney so bad that you would lie about being in love with me?
Ted: I really want to slap him, okay?

Mickey: I'm fighting a losing battle with hemroids here.
Marshall: Oh that's of the diseases [from the board game]?
Mickey: No.

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

So, funny thing about Willem Dafoe. His name sounds like it's being spoken by a frog, then a parrot. Willem. DA-FOE! Willem. DA-FOE!