Ted, you were supposed to bring a cheesecake, but instead you bring two grocery bags and a woman we've never scene before.


Well, you're in luck because mine's the tiniest, and the more you touch it, the softer it gets.


At least when I run out on a girl, I have the decency to sleep with her first. It's called manners.


Wow! I knew I would be bad at being a boyfriend, but I didn't know I'd be such a bad ex-boyfriend.


Of course she is upset - take a look at yourself you dumb slut.


Ted: I'm talking about a super date.
Barney: That sounds gooey and romantic -
Ted: Yeah -
Barney: Strip Club?
Ted: Strip Club!

Marshall: How could you let me do that - you're my wife.
Lily: I know but that song is kind of catchy.

Barney: Oh no, I am not going to give it up, she is. Thanks to Ted's book -
Ted: It's Robins, it's Robins.
Barney: I'm going to stay two steps ahead of her - there's a loop hole in here and I'm going to find it.

Nothing sexier than a man in a fine cravat.


Hang in there Scoots I'm not gonna live forever.


Robin: What I am not keeping Mike on the hook!
Ted: You are Captain Hook.

So now, phrama girls are the hottest profession.


How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

So, funny thing about Willem Dafoe. His name sounds like it's being spoken by a frog, then a parrot. Willem. DA-FOE! Willem. DA-FOE!