It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXIt's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 6 Quotes
Mac: This brings me no joy at all. I feel nothing. I feel like you stole money from me and bought a shirt.
Dennis: With your money. That is what happened.
Charlie: Dee, if I go to a movie or a spaghetti place with you, out there I'm the rat.
Dee: What if I guarantee no one out there will put you into a bag and bash you against a telephone pole? Would that comfort you at all?
Charlie: No, that's a guarantee you can't make, Dee.
Dee: You've been really stressed so I thought I'd take you to a spa day. Just the two of us.
Charlie: A what day?
Dee: Spa day
Charlie: What is this word, spa? I feel like you're starting to a say a word and you're not finishing it. Spaghetti? Are you taking me to a spaghetti day?
Charlie: It's like whole generations of those things have died at my hands. Mothers, fathers, grandfathers, little baby rats.
Dee: Well, you know, keep up the good work.
Charlie: Sometimes, I wonder though, if our lives are reaaly more valuable than theirs. You know what I mean?
Dennis: Yeah they are. Our lives definitely are without a doubt.
They're actors. They're trying to create an illusion. In the Lord of the Rings movie, Ian McKellen plays a wizard. You think he goes home at night and shoots laser beams into his boyfriend's asshole? Tom cruise is a midget, but he plays guys that are normal size in movies.
Mac
Charlie: I'll tell you what. I'll take him down to the locker room. I'll lather him up real good. I'll strip all these silly clothes off him. I'm gonna clean him. Sparkling clean. Brand new kid for you.
Principal: No, please don't bathe the students.
Charlie: You're right. He's a big man. You can bathe yourself, can't you, Rich?
Richie: Yeah, dawg.
Charlie: He's bathing himself and I'm watching.
Principal: I'd rather you didn't do that either.
Charlie: Principal McIntyre, I recently starting mentoring one of the kids here.
Principal McIntyre: Really? That's odd, because you're a janitor.
Mac: A lot of great actors have done blackface.
Dennis: There's countless examples of very classy actors doing black face. We got the great C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man. We got the Wayans Brothers in White Chicks. That was a very tasteful example of reverse blackface.
Dee: Did you get that orange out of the garbage?
Charlie: I sure did. Can you believe that? Someone threw this away? Perfectly good orange. They were digging at it a little bit and must have given up on it.
Dee: Don't eat trash, Charlie.
Charlie: I'll eat what I want to eat.
Charlie: I'm serious I will eat that eraser whole.
Principal: You don't need to eat the eraser to prove your point, you have the job.
Charlie: Are you serious?
Principal: I love your atittude.
Charlie: Sir, I'm not gonna let you down. I'm gonna start cleaning immediately. But, first, can I eat the eraser?
Principal: You're saying you want to eat the eraser?
Charlie: I'm asking you if it's edible cause it certainly smells of grapes.
Principal: I don't think it's edible.
Charlie: Can't I just test it?
Principal: I'd rather you didn't. I might need it later.
Charlie: Alright, you win this one. I'll pick up one of my own and I'll eat that one. That way everyone wins.
Principal: I'm a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?
Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn't have a formal resume on me so i was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to his position.
Principal: And you're looking for a job as a substitute teacher?
Charlie: Substitute janitor.
Charlie: You want to toss some inspiration my way? Cause the guys think Schmitty is all that and I'm no good.
Dee: Okay, Charlie, how about this? You are really good at cleaning shit out of toilets, and taking trash and throwing it into dumpsters. So why don't you get a new job somewhere else doing those things and make friends there?
Charlie: Are you telling me to get a job here as the janitor and you and I can be best friends?
Dee: That is absolutely not what I'm saying.
Charlie: I'm gonna go talk to the principal and see if I can get that job and then we'll work on the friendship thing.
