Come on man, you keep this up I'm not gonna be able to do fat jokes. That's like half my repertoire.

Joe (to Owen)

We'd like to see an uptick in professionalism, and a down-tick in how should I put it...bull shit.


You're a sweetheart Joe, and I mean that in the gayest way possible.


Terry: This still is our thing.
Joe: Okay fine. When she comes back I'm talking about my scrotum.

Joe: So if I got an issue with my, um, balls, she's okay hearing about that?
Terry: Do you have an issue with your balls?
Joe: I kinda do, yeah.

Bitch stole second.


Joe: She's really good 'cause she played varsity.
Owen: Great.
Maria: And I'm a lesbian so...

God I hate your penis.

Owen (to Terry)

Joe: That's your breakfast? Yogurt?
Lucy: Yogurt is what girls eat, Dad.

That was close. Just won a hundred bucks. Woo!


You dug this big ass hole, and you're gonna fill it up.


You can't take away a guy's sale because he's a dick. Otherwise you'd still have zero.


Men of a Certain Age Quotes

Manfro: I want my last meal.
Joe: Oh come on.
Manfro: I'm gonna be doing a lot of jokes like that so you better get used to it.

Erin: Old friend? She's not that old.
Terry: Actually she's 58.