When I was 17 I was really close to my friend Stacey's mom. Mrs. Robinson was a former cheerleader so she knew just how to massage my legs after practice. She had her own homemade bengay that didn't burn no matter where she rubbed it on me.

Phil

• Permalink: When I was 17 I was really close to my friend Stacey's mom. Mrs....
• Added: January 16, 2013

Please to not turn me marrying my daughter into something ugly.

Cam

• Permalink: Please to not turn me marrying my daughter into something ugly.
• Added: January 16, 2013

Kenny: Hey I don't think we've met I'm Kenny.
Alex: And I'm disgusted.

• Permalink: Hey I don't think we've met I'm Kenny. And I'm disgusted.
• Added: January 16, 2013

And the birthday video becomes a nature film.

Luke

• Permalink: And the birthday video becomes a nature film.
• Added: January 16, 2013

Kids make fun of you if you get a haircut. I just gave them a full blown sex scandal.

Manny

• Permalink: Kids make fun of you if you get a haircut. I just gave them a fu...
• Added: January 16, 2013

What middle-aged guy would be interested in a young, attractive, newly legal woman? Oh that's right, all of them!

Claire

• Permalink: What middle-aged guy would be interested in a young, attractive,...
• Added: January 16, 2013

These jeans just slipped on me so perfectly, my name must be "Pantserella."

Phil

• Permalink: These jeans just slipped on me so perfectly, my name must be Pan...
• Added: January 16, 2013

That's the whole point of a surprise party, you take somebody you really love and you play em like a fool.

Jay

• Permalink: That's the whole point of a surprise party, you take somebody yo...
• Added: January 16, 2013

Haley: You used to be fun.
Phil: You used to be....what? Oh yeah, at college.

• Permalink: You used to be fun. You used to be....what? Oh yeah, at colleg...
• Added: January 16, 2013