You got rid of Henifer!


Don't Bugs Bunny me.


Luke: Thank you, Alexandra. It's not easy being the smart ones in this family.
Alex: Don't compare us! Your last English paper came back with a Garfield sticker on it that said, "Way to Go!"

I love it that you're smart now.


Should we be concerned about group-molesting Serge?


Laura: Did you pre-heat my oven?
Jay: Not on purpose.

Maybe spend a little less time with your nose in that psych book and a little more time being sexy.


You're missing out on life, Mitchell. Take off your shackles and show people who you really are.


Alex: What is wrong with me?!
Luke: Nothing is wrong with you. You're just a freak who gets turned on by tragedies.
Alex: Oh my God. Is that why I'm dating a firefighter?

Mitchell! Just because mom us dead doesn't make her a saint!


I know it's crazy, but I've always had this dream that Dede would come back and haunt me after she died. Maybe it's because she told me that at my wedding!


Phil: Life is so unfair.
Jay: Damn right. I just waited in line an hour and a half around the block for a hoagie everybody's talkin' about, then my ex-wife drops dead, and I'm too sad to eat it. Eh, give it another hour.
Gloria: Oh. I'm sooo sorry for your loss, JAY.

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.