Oh, I so want it to be on purpose. It's lonely out here on Crazy Island.

Claire

We are allowed to look at other men without feeling guilty about it.

Mitch

Ya' know, my parent's never talked to me about anything sexual. They just sent me to the stables when the horses were breeding and wow did that create some unreasonable expectations.

Cam

Is that the way she treats all head injuries? Cause I've got a theory.

Claire

We have an announcement. Dylan and I are having a baby.

Haley

Even Uncle Cam's? You have to save those for seven years, like tax returns.

Luke

Don't worry. They come back.

Cal

Ya' know what? As a former mall Santa, I vow to never comment on a sitting Santa, but you're a disgrace to the red and white.

Cam

I took a swing at a new way to cook a turkey.

Claire

Hey, what was all that squeaking in the garage? Are the raccoons back? Damn it!

Haley

I'm so stressed. I wish it was the '50s when it was healthy to drink and smoke when you're pregnant.

Haley

Don't break Alex, she's our safety net.

Luke

Modern Family Quotes

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me