Mr. Mercedes
Wednesdays 8:00 PM on AudienceMr. Mercedes Season 1 Quotes
I'm here Fuckhead. Let's play.
KermitFrog19
Ida: You know, um, in addition to being out of control last night, you seemed unwell, like on the verge of a coronary. When was the last time you saw a doctor? I mean other than interrogating one on a crime?
Bill: Must every conversation turn to my lack of fitness?
Relax, I'm not going to throw myself at you. I only do that once. I have my pride. Going forward I'll only *list* in your direction.
Ida
What the fuck's wrong with you? You've never seen an old guy talking to himself before? You new to the planet are you? Fuck off while you're at it!
Bill
Don't make me a pall bearer. You're too fucking fat to carry.
Peter
Peter: The latest medical advice for men of advancing years is they might want to cut back on drinking their weight in vodka and beer.
Bill: Crazy talk.
Peter: You'll die, Bill. Like real soon.
Bill: Fuck off.
Peter: Bill. How much you been drinkin' lately?
Bill: Not enough.
So you wanna have sex to protect your resale value. You're a fuckin' lunatic.
Bill
Bill: Holy fuck.
Pete: It's worse than it looks.
Jerome: Hey, you ever think about getting a guard dog? Not that your turtle ain't scary.
Bill: It's a tortoise. And you got into Harvard.
Did you know I was wearing a condom that night? I was afraid I might spontaneously ejaculate and then afterwards have to worry about DNA.
God. Showing up at a job fair in a Mercedez Benz. It's a sign of the times I guess, right?
Auggie
