You were so light and charming you were like Pixar Winston.

Schmidt

Can we just concentrate on the fact that like I was tripping pretty hard on the Absinthe and I said no to a stripper.

Sam

There's nothing like the feel of a fire, a fresh baked cookie and the sweet, sweet taste of crack in your lungs.

Winston

Fantasy and nightmare colliding.

Nick

Let's let Winston turn on his black switch. And let his black light shine.

Schmidt

You're dating a stripper, I'm dating a tall handsome doctor. We're kinda living the dream.

Jess

I don't know the words!

Jess

There's two of you! I thought we were in the middle of a budget crisis!

Schmidt

I'm very poor. Having a checking account would be an honor. I've written a zombie book. It's terrible. I'm a slow runner. I'm obsessed with karate.

Nick

I don't celebrate Christmas, or as I like to call it, "White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night."

Schmidt

What happens in the sleigh is that I'll be your reindeer and take your toys to the sky.

Nick

Jess: You're too late. I'm in love. With Winston.
Winston: You know, it just got stuck up there so far, so quickly.

New Girl Season 2 Quotes

I panicked and I grabbed the hat. I should have grabbed the yoyo or the slap bracelet and now all I have is this stupid hat.

Jess

Jess: I thought we talked about you not wearing your shower diaper in the kitchen!
Schmidt: Excuse me? Do you think this has been easy? To wash myself wearing a penis cast all summer?