Bert: I do have a tub gator that my neighbors complain about.
Dan: Course they do. They miss their cats.

• Permalink: Course they do. They miss their cats.
• Added: March 14, 2023

Bert: I get attached to inanimate objects too. I mean I’m not one of those weirdos who marries a boat or anything. Unless, um, do you know any single boats?
Gurgs: Not right now, but boats’ girlfriends always havin’ accidents.

• Permalink: Not right now, but boats’ girlfriends always havin’ accidents.
• Added: March 14, 2023

Rand: She starts out slow, but then she enters a new mode, a beast mode.
Olivia: The woman who apologizes to her gavel when she bangs it too hard?
Rand: Yeah, that’s just the surface, but under that surface, she’s a maniac, ready to snap at any minute.
Olivia: That actually makes sense. Y’know she has zero unread emails in her inbox. That’s a person with real darkness inside.

• Permalink: That actually makes sense. Y’know she has zero unread emails in her inbox. That’s a person...
• Added: March 14, 2023

Dan: Look, I didn’t want to have to do this, but I’ve run out of options. I need you to use your judicial powers to declare a piece of furniture my emotional support bench.
Abby: Do I look like a local radio DJ to you ‘cause I don’t take requests! Very sorry, I’m just coming down from Beast Mode.

• Permalink: Do I look like a local radio DJ to you ‘cause I don’t take requests! Very sorry, I’m just...
• Added: March 14, 2023

Dan: Change is part of life. You either accept it or one day a guy tries to take your bench away and you briefly consider dressing it up like a very tall weird-looking man and sneaking it past a near-sighted maintenance worker.
Abby: Is that a metaphor?
Dan: I wish it were.

• Permalink: I wish it were.
• Added: March 14, 2023