Night Court Season 1 Episode 10: "Marathon-Thon-Thon-Thon-Thon" Quotes
Neil: Gurgs, what’s going on?
Gurgs: Well, I went into the judge’s chambers to do my primal scream therapy when I saw a guy with a knife, and I did an actual scream which wasn’t therapeutic at all.
Olivia: Oh god, was it the foot perv who’s always asking people their shoe size or the guy who sells the olives?
Dan: Well, just know that if it’s the guy who eats soup with a fork, watch out. He’s pretty good with that thing.
Gurgs: No, it’s a brand new creep.
Please let me out! I’m claustrophobic and agoraphobic, which means I’m seldom okay.Rand
Not the first time I’ve been accused of wearing a mask. Most Halloweens, people think I’m going as John Ritter.Rand
I’m here all week to help Abby get marathon-ready. Y’know, keep her hydrated, cheer her on, find clean versions of DMX songs to blast. Which are really just audio recordings of a grown man barking.Rand
Rand and I have run some marathons back home. Upstate, they let horses run it too. Which I know doesn’t seem fair but it kept us motivated.Abby
Abby: Maybe we could run together. Y’know, having a partner makes the time go faster.
Olivia: Mmm, I don’t think so. I run alone. I’m a lone wolf.
Abby: Wolves run in packs. I should know, Upstate, wolves run in the marathons too. Keeps the horses motivated.
Dan: Gurgs, thank you very much for the help with that defendant. What is it about cocaine that makes people want to dance with me?
Gurgs: Well, they always want to dance with you. It’s just the cocaine gives them the courage to ask.
Dan: You’re moving my bench?
Maintenance Person: Not your bench. It’s Judge Sorenson’s bench.
Dan: Sorenson? That monster died years ago! His bench is in Hell!
There are so few people or things that I like in this courthouse. I’m not going to live in a world where the bench gets taken away, and Neil can stay?Dan
Rand: It’s nice to finally meet your friends. I think Gurgs is your Kramer.
Abby: And Dan is my Mare of Easttown.
Did you know that the first guy who ran a marathon died? You know what he died from? Not breathing.Abby
Gurg: We just wanted to stop by and compliment you on how shiny the cafeteria floors have been lately.
Bert: Are you mocking me? The day janitor does the cafeteria floors. He gets a fancy new buffer and you know what I get? A wet rat on a stick.