Ben: You're a marked man.
Sam: So, I get it. I understand if you guys can't hang out anymore.
Sock: I am sorry, Sam. But we are not here to listen to you whine about which dark army has marked you for death. Ok? We are here right now to honor the passing of the man who may or may not have been your biological father.
Ben: Well said, Sock.
Sock: Thank you. I recommend lighting the right foot and then running like hell

Sam: Evidently, I'm destined to end the world. I can't let that happen.
Sock: Well, you know what? You're not really good at anything, so you'd probably screw that up, too

You know what, Sammy, I don't know what to tell you to make you feel better right now, I don't. But I do know how to blow stuff up. So I figured, play to my strengths, right?


Devil: Oh look, Sammy, I have too much respect to lie to you, so I tell you in advance that I am most probably going to lie to you. I'm the Devil, Sam, lying is kind of like my whole bag.
Sam: Yeah, well I figured as much.
Devil: Smart boy

Tony: You made it. You made it to Heaven.
Steve: It's even better than Cancun

Sock: It's an unbelievable rush. I don't even know how to describe it. All I know is that one kiss from her and I felt better than I've ever felt in my entire life.
Ben: What does that even mean?
Sock: Okay, do you know how good you feel when you wear your bike pants?
Ben: Yeah.
Sock: Yeah, it's like that times twenty
Ben: Oh. I want a taste

Marlana: Every time I kiss you, it sort of shaves about a year off of your life.
Sock: Uh, but that would be the ass end of my life, right? The crappy years?

Andi: It's because she's hot. This is your process? I spent hours on the phone and you guys just let your crotches be your guide.
Sam: And yet, the job always gets done

Why did God appear to Moses as a burning bush? Or why do angels appear in dreams? Maybe it's because they need to prepare you with signs, you know? Or maybe they just like messing with your head


Sam: She read Tarot cards?
Devil: Yeah, she was the real deal. Sold her soul to me for the power to predict the future. Earned quite a reputation for herself until the local villagers hung her from a tree for consorting with the Devil. Surprisingly perceptive for a bunch of clods with pitchforks

Sam: Are you saying they're lying?
Devil: Listen, Sammy, they're your parents and you love them. But people who make deals with me generally aren't big on integrity. You can't get blood from a stone, I'm just saying

Devil: You know, I got to say, this is one of my greatest inventions.
Sam: You invented the lottery?
Devil: You betcha. State-sponsored gambling. Minimum wage earners spending their last buck on an 18 million to one long shot. I like to call it the idiot's tax

Reaper Season 1 Quotes

Hey, no shame in community college, K-Fed. I almost went


Sam [about the vessels]: Wait. So, they're not all little vacuums?
DMV Demon: The boss gives you the vessel he thinks you can handle. You must be a real moron