You have something more important in your life. Don't apologize for that.


Sam: First time you ever held a grenade?
Andy: Yes. It was never really a goal of mine.

Yeah well. Us is fine because us is amazing.


I thought this was going to be like Two Men and a Baby. Instead it's like some horrible after school special.


Gail Peck gets benched and suddenly the lonely planet looks a lot less lonely.


The new you needs a cleaning lady.


Wait, seriously, I'm the only one who's never had sex with anyone from 15?


Chris: I feel like someone's breaking up the band.
Gail: Now that's just silly because we're not a band. But if we were, I would be Yoko. So you all should be celebrating.

That's not your job anymore.


Andy: Why are you drunk at 8am anyway?
Nick: I was still drinking at 7.

About 20 minutes ago you were the muffin man now you look ill.


You're right, Sir. My personal life is none of your business.