Roseanne
Tuesdays 8:00 PM on ABCRoseanne Season 10 Episode 2: "Dress To Impress" Quotes
You guys could blow fifty-thousand dollars for me if she decides to not use me as a surrogate. Could you please put away anything you got free with a tank of gas?
Becky
All of your relatives died from alcoholism. The one who didn't drink were killed by the ones who did.
Roseanne
Roseanne: What are you doing with all my pictures?
Becky: I don't want her to think obesity runs in our family so I'm getting rid of the ones where you guys were fat.
Roseanne: Those are the only ones where we look happy!
You live with mom and dad. You can't even escape the gravitational pull of this house.
Becky
I realized I'm old and I can do whatever I want.
Dan
Oh, good job Dad! We finally got our red dot on the sex offenders map.
Darlene
I know you've all seen normal people. Can you pick one and act like that?
Becky
Mark: I feel like it's kinda plain. Like it needs something.
Dan: Yeah. Fast shows and a head start.
Darlene: I miss when you guys were at the same school so you could keep an eye on him.
Harris: I was supposed to keep an eye on him?
Your father and I had a lunchables party in the middle of the night. You get up to use the bathroom, you end up having another dinner.
Roseanne
Dan: Darlene, you talked to Mark about wearing that outfit to school, right? He's gonna get beat up sure as hell.
Darlene: He'll be fine. He wore stuff like that all the time in Chicago.
Roseanne: The musical?
Roseanne: What the hell?
Darlene: Shhh. Don't spook it. That's the great North American bottom heavy white wino. It appears to be doing some type of cleaning ritual.
Roseanne: I hear they only do this every ten years when they really need something.
