Jill: Thanks again for helping out.
Hank: Hey, that's what friends who sleep together and then don't talk about it are for.

Evan: You think when we have kids, we're gonna mess them up? You ever think about that?
Hank: Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about what kids of yours would be like.
Evan: Oh, what? Just smart and intelligent and just overall awesome.
Hank: So they'll take after your wife.

(to Divya) I'm proud of you, and I don't even like you that much.

Evan

Evan: My girlfriend?
Anna: The Indian woman who you were with?
Evan: Oh, no. Divya? No. She's, uh...
Anna: You'll make up. You're so cute together.

Evan: You can actually sew up a human being, but you can't wrap something with parallel sides.
Hank: You know, I went to medical school, not the American Academy of Gift-Giving.

Libby: Well, as a cyberchondriac, I'm sort of tapped into the local medical community. And people are talking.
Tucker: Yeah, she's sort of tapped in like the Pope's sort of Catholic.

Divya: He's you. Uninterested in anything beneath a woman's surface.
Evan: I try to see beneath their surface. That's why I stare so hard.

Evan: what are you doing tomorrow?
Anna: Uh, it's my first day off. Nothing. I'm sleeping.
Evan: Do it with me. The-- the nothing part. Obviously not-- not the sleeping part.

(after Hank convinced Marshall Bryant to get clean from alcohol and drugs)
Marshall: Well, Hank deserves credit for leading me to water.
Hank: Hey, I can lead the horse, but I can't make him drink... or not drink. You know what I'm saying.

Gary Pastotnik? That guy is like Satan, only more evil.

Evan

Divya: (to Evan) You saw those zeros on that check and lost all ability to think.
Captain Brian: In his defense, it was a lot of zeros.

Note to self, become a doctor.

Evan

Royal Pains Quotes

Yeah, dude. Don't punk the crackberry. She'll light your ass up like a Christmas tree.

Tucker

Note to self, become a doctor.

Evan