Regina(calling from other room): Samantha!
Dena: Ooh, what are you gonna do?
Sam: Right now, I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna smile, turn this tube top into a turban, and then I'm gonna ruin her life.

Andrea: That is a good point, Tina.
Dena: It's Dena.
Andrea: Really? Has it always been?
Dena: Yes.
Andrea: Oh. Anyway, Dena. So ... are you sure? That does not sound right.
Dena: It's Dena. Mmm hmm.
Andrea: Dena. Okay. To strong women. (raises glass)
Dena: (taking glass from Andrea) And stop taking my drinks.

Todd: So... you wanna throw darts?
Sam: Okay. At what?

Pretending to be handicapped. Wow, if Kevin were with me tonight, he would think this was so attractive. "Hey, you're a liar and a bad person, wanna go to Bali? Wait, what's that? You're banned from Asia? Sweet!"

Kevin: So, I am looking forward to tomorrow night. By the way, just don't get too excited, but it is Bobblehead Night.
Sam: Mmm, great. Yeah, no, I'm fired up. (laughs weakly) Okay, about that. Um, yeah, okay. Here goes. Um, I have amnesia.
Kevin: Amnesia?
Sam: Mm-hm.
Kevin: In what way?
Sam: Uh, well, in the, um, I-don't-remember-what-a-Bobblehead-is kind of way.

Sam: You're supposed to say, you know, "Oh, Sam, sweetie, you can stay here as long as you want", and -and -and, then we eat cookies.
Andrea:Well, Sam, you're making me feel like a bad friend.
Sam: Well you're being a bad friend!

(on phone ordering food) Actually, uh, can you just bring me a bunch of stuff and stand next to me to see if I die?

I'm very hungry, but I keep starting fires.

Regina: Remember when you wanted a trampoline until you hit your head on a beehive?
Samantha: Why would you put a trampoline underneath a beehive?
Regina: To stop you from jumping too high!

Todd: What are you doing? Don't you know you're not supposed to put metal in the microwave?
Samantha: Well I do now! I think that something that important they'd got it written on there or something.

Sam: Is it our song?
Todd: No. We, we didn't have a song. Every time I suggested one, you laughed at me and asked me if I was on my period.

I can't believe you, Andrea. How could you not tell about this? I mean, you call me at midnight to tell me to get my eyebrows waxed, but my restraining order just, like, slips your mind?!

Samantha Who? Season 1 Quotes

Sam: Couple of good things about being in a coma: no fattening food, lots of rest, they sponge you down every day. It's like a spa. Bad things: my nose itches, I have something called the "Pina Colada Song" stuck in my head, and, oh yeah, sometimes I can hear what people in my room are saying.

Sam: Good things about amnesia: all new clothes, no re-runs. Bad: every minute is like that dream where you haven't been to class all year, and the test is now.