I did no such thing. Now I'm not sure how one would go about making a janitor's life even more miserable...

Dr. Kelso

J.D.: You know, it wasn't exactly easy showering with you in there.
Dan: Well, it wasn't exactly easy for me either... you have Dad's butt.

Dr. Kim: The good news is that it's Type II diabetes. It's still serious, but it's totally manageable.
Turk: Devil Woman gave me diabetes.

J.D.: You think you'll get out of the tub today?
Dan: Yeah, today doesn't look good - by the way, could you get me another beer?
J.D.: No, look, I put a six-pack for you in the toilet.

J.D.: Dan, you've been in here for, like, nine hours, you okay?
Dan: Well, I'd feel a lot better if you could give that ol' "H"-knob there a little twist. Body temp's a bit low.

J.D.'s Narration: One thing Turk couldn't get accustomed to was his wife being friends with a psychiatrist.
Carla: Babe, what do you want for lunch today?
Turk: Baby, please, not in front of her.
Molly: Turk, why are you not comfortable around me?
Turk: You have the ability to get in people's heads. And I don't want you to take this negatively or anything like that, but that makes you a Devil Woman.

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe it was because I finally slowed down, maybe it was remembering Dad's passion for bodily functions, I don't know. But at that moment, it all hit me. Unfortunately, I'm not sure Dan's the guy to talk about it with.
Dan(to bath duck): Slow down, little duck. Some ducks can't hold their water. (he laughs a bit, then sobs) It's okay. I know.

Dan: What is this?
Dr. Cox: That's your basic homemade anti-drowning device, to be worn until your brother returns.
Dan: I like it.

Carla: Baby, look at you, please, go see our doctor.
Turk: I hate Dr. Kim. He always makes me take my pants off, even that time I went in for Pink eye.

Elliot: Hey.
J.D.: Hey.
Elliot: I just wanted to...
J.D.: Yeah.
Elliot: Look...
J.D.: Thanks.
Elliot: 'Kay.
J.D.: 'Kay.
Dr. Cox: Say, Barbie, for a second there, I thought you were being a little bit cold, but then you really saved it with the "... 'Kay."

Janitor: Well, howdy, Dr. Kelso. Ain't she a beaut'? I rented her so I could repair the air conditioning unit.
Dr. Kelso: Looks expensive, who authorised it?
Janitor: Why, you did, sir. Must have been Tuesday last.
Dr. Kelso: Stop talking like a farmer!

J.D.'s narration: Working at Sacred Heart you grow accustomed to a lot of things. Sickness, death, Ted's morning self-formation ritual.
Ted: (To himself) People are laughing with you, people are laughing with you... (weakly) people...are laughing with you.

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 6 Quotes

J.D.: And it's our dad, and he's ranting and raving because he's an office supply salesman and he can't find a paper clip in the entire house.
Dan: Meanwhile, he gets to work the next morning, and he realises he's got a million of 'em in the trunk of his car.

Carla: It's impossible to get a doctor to go see a doctor.
Molly: I'm on it.
(In the men's room. Turk is posing with an Afro drawn on the mirror)
Turk: Excuse me...did somebody say they're lookin' for the baaaaddest detective in town?
Molly: Awesome afro. I'm sorry to barge in on you, BUT I'm a little rusty on the medicine side and I was wondering if you could help me. See, I have this patient, constantly tired, always peeing, losing weight.
Turk: You should have him checked out, he might have diabetes.
(They exchange glances)
Turk: ...oh.