Scrubs Season 4 Episode 25: "My Changing Ways" Quotes
Dr. Kelso: No, I'm here because the budget's a mess. Ted's not making much headway.
Ted: Three-twelve times four-eighty-one equals... Sir, it's not giving me the answer!
Dr. Kelso: It's a typewriter, you jackass!
J.D.: Just say you're sorry, give me a hug, and this'll all be over.
Turk: Why do I have to say I'm sorry?
J.D.: Dude, I don't mean to sound girly, but, for the last twelve years, you've practically been like...my wife.
Turk: How is that girly?
Well, look, Carla, Jake makes me happy! Plus, there's a decent chance he'll be my second serious boyfriend not to end up in bed with my mom or my brother Barry.
Elliot
J.D.'s Narration: Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it.
Elliot: Carla, I can sense you're upset. Talk to me.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, but Turk's a prideful guy, and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive.
Dr. Cox: Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive.
J.D.'s Narration: Touch, magic hallway.
Hooch: By the by, Johnny told me that you were responsible for my...brothy shower the other day.
Turk: Well, you know...
Hooch: If it happens again, I'm gonna take one of your fingers. That'll be my... funny prank.
J.D.'s Narration: Turk didn't even realize he'd pissed me off, so explaining my feelings to him was the smart move. I took a slightly different tack.
J.D.: That seat's taken, ass-face!
Turk: By who?
J.D.: Hello there, Chocolate Bear Two.
Turk: Hooch!? J.D., what the hell is going on here!?
J.D.: I replaced your ass!
Carla: Well, maybe Jake shouldn't have pushed you into that interview.
Elliot: Maybe I should have covered my mouth when I sneezed blood the second time.
J.D.: Oh! Can we cut words out of magazines that represent how we feel about each other and glue them into a "Friends Forever" collage?
Turk: Hell no.
J.D.: Oh. Well, can we drink beers and reminisce?
Turk: Hell yes!
J.D.: That's all I wanted to do anyway.
J.D.'s Narration: Plus, I already made the collage.
Turk: You know how you're prone to overly sensitive girly displays of sentimentality?
J.D.: Guilty.
Hooch: Who the hell...put bouillon cubes in the shower head!?! Huh? Hm, did you do it? Hm? Did you? If it happens again, I will wait in my S.U.V., blast me some speed-metal - 5.1 surround sound, heavy on the bass - and someone...will be getting...mowed...down.
J.D.: Hooch is crazy! I'm really gonna miss this kinda stuff.
Turk: Why? We'll still be able to pull pranks on him after you move out.
J.D.: Yeah, but we won't be able to stay up 'til six in the morning planning anything as genius as the soup shower!
Bob, people have a private life and people have a professional life, and usually those two hells are kept pretty separate. For instance, I don't know that much about your home life, other than the fact that you treat your wife like a dog, your dog like a wife, and your son like an androgynous ne'er-do-well who drained your retirement nest-egg to open up a yarn shop in Minneapolis.
Dr. Cox
Lonnie: Thanks for that.
Jordan: Keep movin', fetus face.
