J.D.'s Narration: With the long hours at a hospital, you don't have time to worry about your appearance. It may sound sexist, but with the female doctors, it's slightly more noticeable.
J.D.: Hey, Janice. Is it windy out?
Janice: No. Why do you always ask me that!?
J.D.: Because I'm-I'm captain of m-m-my kite-flying team? The M-m-mighty Kites?
He turns back to see a couple more unkempt female physicians.
J.D.'s Narration: Agh! Okay, just say something innocuous.
J.D.: Good morning, gentlemen.

Carla: How did you have sex with the woman you're about to break up with?
J.D.: Okay, you know how the, uh, couch in the living room has those high arms...?

Dr. Cox: A-a-a-anyway, something weird's been going on with me lately: I have been sleeping more, I've been drinking alone... less... I've even started complimenting people.
Todd: Oh, come on! Get your pump on!
Dr. Cox: God help me, Sluggo, if you get any more buff, I'll be absolutely sure that you're gay!
Todd: Oh, I'm gonna get more buff!

Turk: Wow, she's using the "L word" now.
J.D.: Yeeeaaah, but we're not really that serious.

Doug: Stringent what?
J.D.: "Stringent updoc". It's happening.
Dr. Cox: Yes, Nervous Guy?
Doug: What's "updoc"?

Turk: Babe, you gotta understand, a guy will sleep with any woman he finds attractive, no matter how he feels about her. If Tyra Banks drove her car over my mom and then offered to have sex with me? I'd have to dial 9-1-1 in the nude because my pants would already be off!
Carla: That's sweet! While your mother lays there dying!
Turk: Tell her.
J.D.: His mom doesn't die. Tyra uses her connections in the supermodel world to get government scientists to put Turk's mom's brain into Heidi Klum's body. She falls in love with me, we all move in together.
Turk: It'd be awkward at first, but I'd make it work... 'Cause I love my mom.
J.D.: Mm, and I would love her, too.
Carla: New low!

Turk: So, did you break up with her?
J.D.: I was going to last night, but then I looked in her eyes, and I realized how rare it is to meet someone who's actually willing to have sex with me.

Elliot: Dr. Cox never compliments me about anything!
Janitor: Well, he should. Your new look has completely changed my perspective. For instance, this is not a broom with fraying edges - this is now a broom that reminds me of blonde doctor's bangs. Tough and spunky!
Elliot: Oh, my God! That is exactly the look that I was going for!

I just can't believe how comfortable I've gotten talking to you over these last few months. I mean, look, I'd still be with my old shrink if I hadn't cut across the park the day of the renaissance faire and realized that the man I tell my innermost secrets to likes to... likes to put on a big, giant beard and make pretend that he is a blacksmith.

Dr. Cox

Turk: Out of body experience?
J.D.: Yeah. She wants to move in together. I have to break up with her!
Turk: Dude, relax. Enjoy the show. Have a Bugle.
J.D.: Ooh!
Turk: Ooh, your ghost hands is cold!

Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard... But I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth... And... the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels that they'd ever seen. So, maybe the fact that I am the kinder, gentler Cox is every last bit of okay. Maybe it's a... a natural progression. It's not like there's any real ramifications... right?

Dr. Cox

Mother: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be over-stimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with!
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice!
Jordan: Oh, oh! He also thanked me for not naming him "Brantley"!
Dr. Cox: Y-yeah... I love our family.

Scrubs Season 3 Episode 11 Quotes

Carla: How you doing, Elliot?
Elliot: Great! I figure I spend three quarters of my life in a place filled with misery and sickness; if I need to feel good about myself, then the hell with everybody!
Carla: And for what it's worth, I think you look beautiful - I wouldn't change a thing.
Elliot: Ohh... Oh! I did, uh, tone down the eye makeup a little bit.
Carla: Oh, thank God! You looked so slutty.

Dr. Cox: I-I know what you're thinking, believe me, I... I do: Why in the world would a civilized, up-town man of the millennium such as myself even go ahead and give a good rat's ass about whether a bunch of snot-nosed baby docs were afraid of him. Right? Well, unfortunately the only way I know how to teach is through fear.And I tell you this because I know that this particular shortcoming will invariably affect your life... And again, sorry about the gay sailor's outfit. Your mother loves it. She couldn't be more pleasant when you have it on. Take it off - nut bag. Have it on - pleasant, approachable...