Scrubs Season 4 Episode 4: "My First Kill" Quotes
Elliot: Oh, I don't know, if you were a real friend you could have lied, kept your mouth shut, made out with me - any of the stuff that we talked about!
(The Todd runs out of the shower)
Todd: Did I just hear...?
Elliot and Molly: (together) Todd!
Molly: I tell you what: I'll go with you for moral support. And, you know, if things get dicey 'cause it's just a bunch of stuffed shirts, then we could make out - and they'll give you whatever you want.
(The Todd runs in)
Todd: What? I thought I heard something.
Elliot: Goodbye, Todd.
Todd: Back to the transplant.
Mr. Daniels: Someone's gonna stick a needle in my chest?
J.D.: Not just someone -- Dr. deMan.
Mr. Daniels: Who is Dr. deMan?
J.D.: Say it...say it without the 'Dr.'
Mr. Daniels: Who's Mr. deMan?
J.D.: No, just say the...the last name.
Mr. Daniels: Who's deMan?
J.D.: I'm deMan!
J.D.: So Mrs. Carter, it turns out your fever is just a reaction to the anestetic we gave you during your catarct surgury. I'm sending you home.
Mrs. Carter: Can I drive my Trans-Am?
J.D.: That's not up to me Mrs. Carter, its up to the police and the owner of those horses you killed.
Mrs. Carter: They were everywhere.
J.D.: You were on a race track Mrs. Carter.
Dr. Cox: Each and every one of you is going to kill a patient. At some point during your residency you will screw up, they will die and it will be burned into your conscience forever. Hell, take pee-pants here.
Doug: Pee-pants...
Dr. Cox: He might just go ahead and get himself a good, clean kill this morning seeings as his patient Ms. Samson is in DKA and he hasn't been tracking her phosphate level, her phosphate level, her phosphate level.
J.D.: Doug! Stop writing and go!
Dr. Cox: That young man has killed so many patients, I'm starting to think he just might be a governmet operative. The point is, the harder you study, the longer you might be able to hold off that first kill. Other than that, I guess cross your fingers and hope that the guy that you murder is a jackass with no family. Great to see you kids, all the best!
J.D.:Thank you, thank you Doctor Cox... Okay you guys, pizza and punch in the penthouse. Doug! Wrong patient, one bed over!
J.D.: Doctor Cox! Can I ask you something?
Dr. Cox: The answer is yes, it was me who saw you doing leg lifts in the gym on that inflatable ball - it was quite the display of girl power - absolutly love the leg warmers.
J.D.: First of all they were just big socks, okay? And secondly, if you need to do some laundry, here's the washboard (lifts his shirt) ...right?
Turk: Want some of my pancakes?
J.D.: Ah, devil-cakes! No thank you.
Dr. Cox: Come on. I know you're scared. A lot of times you feel like a little girl in a big gal's body. But here's the dirty little secret: Fear is good. It keeps you from becoming a crappy doctor. Trick is you just can't let it paralyze you. But don't you worry about a thing, there, Newbie. You're a sure thing to get a kill. In fact, should be any day now!
Carla: You found Rowdy!?!
Janitor: Nope. Not Rowdy. This is Steven. You know, Rowdy was 48 inches from snout to tail, Steven's only 46...on a good day.
Carla: I think we're okay!
Janitor: I got him off another taxidermy guy on the internet. Had to trade him my, uh, squirrel army.
Carla: Oh, I'm sorry you had to do that; but thank you!
Janitor: Nah. Everyone thinks squirrel armies are so great...I'm not sure it's the healthiest habit in the world.
Molly: Hey! Did somebody page me? I'm sorry I took so long, I was just eating lunch.
Elliot: Oh, of course you were! It's 8:30 in the morning!
Turk: Hey. Baby. I'm gonna head home and watch some television with Rowdy.
Carla: Rowdy? NO! Um, you shouldn't go home.
Turk: Why?
Carla: I need you to go somewhere for me. I want you to go to a...strip club!
Turk: Okay.
J.D.: Hey, Turk, can I talk to you for a second?
Turk: Can't talk now, good stuff's happenin'!
J.D.'s Narration: I know I bailed on Mr. Daniels, but the whole having not killed thing got in my head. Still, no one will notice.
Dr. Cox: Ah! Kiki Dee! I heard Mr. Daniels isn't getting his periocardiocentesis. Since when?
J.D.'s Narration: Now you're gonna lie here. Don't be too specific!
J.D.: Since 1:42 yesterday afternoon. His wife did not want him to do it. She's beautiful, by the way - one green eye, one blue. She's from Luxembourg. They're both from Luxembourg. I believe they're, uh, Luxem... bourgian.
Dr. Cox: Where in Luxembourg? I-I spent two weeks there.
J.D.'s Narration: What are the odds? Just stay vague.
J.D.: Uh, outside Mertert, near the German border.
Dr. Cox: Ah.
J.D.: They say what they miss most are those lazy summer afternoons on the Moselle River.
J.D.'s Narration: You are channeling that seventh grade book report!
