Dr. Cox: Look who peeked in his shorts and found a pair. What are you feeling like you finally took on the old man in a game of one-on-one and kicked his ass? Well here's the news flash here, Skeetch, it was a fluke.
J.D.: Believe what you want to believe, I'll do it again.
Dr. Cox: Alright, fair enough. Here's your chance. Two identical patients, I say we divide them up, just like in "The Parent Trap", one goes with the sexy free-willing bachelor dad-hello. The other goes with a winey neurotic, sexually-repressed mom-oh, just you all over. Oh and I checked tonight's TV listings there is no special on that disease so you're gonna want to stop at the Blockbuster.

Honey I know your type. It is so easy to see other people's problems from way up there on your pedestal, but you better be careful up there because if you fall off and have to walk around down here with the rest of us, I don't know you might catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror or the surface of a pond, your boyfriends gigantic shiney head and trust me, you're not gonna like what you see


Dr. Cox: Yes, hello? Could we please get my hormonal, extremely annoying ex-wife's Amnio underway?
Jordan: Wow, I can't wait to write that down in the baby journal. Could you be a bigger ass right now?
Dr. Cox: Could you have a bigger ass right now?

J.D.: Hey, Dr. Cox. I'm sorry, I was just so frustrated before. So, now, I'm here, why don't you go ahead and tell me what I forgot?
Dr. Cox: Can I? Really?
J.D.: Sure! Hit me.
Dr. Cox: How about: go to hell, Shakira.
J.D.: What?!
Dr. Cox: What, now that you've decided you're ready to listen, how does it work, huh? You gonna pull a string on my back? Well, step right up and give it a tug. But, I'm warning you, I bet it keeps coming up "Go to hell, Shakira.

Dr. Cox: It was luck.
J.D.: What?
Dr. Cox: The thing that you forgot? Turns out, whatever you know about medicine, ultimately, luck or fate or God or... who knows what is always gonna end up playing a much bigger role in the whole thing than you and I ever will. Hell, it was lucky you were watching that show the other night. And it was unlucky that your patient went the other way, even though you did absolutely everything right; and, for the record, you did. I was looking over your shoulder every step of the way.
J.D.: Thanks.
Dr. Cox: Wasn't a favor, Newbie. It was my job.

Look, Britney, recently I made the potentially fatal mistake of getting back together with my ex-wife who, angel that she is, is carrying the spawn of another man's seed. So, forgive me if I sound a tad irritable when I tell you, I don't care what piece of irrelevant drivel you picked off TV while you were snuggled up in your Holly Hobbie P.J.s.

Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: You know, Eunice, you never even woulda made that catch if you weren't such an all-purpose nerd, sitting home alone on a Saturday night, watching some medical special on TV!
J.D.: First of all, In your face, because it was Friday night; and secondly, I woulda made the catch regardless - you see, if you use your head and do some homework, medicine is just... it's basically science!

Dr. Cox: Oh, puh-lease explain medicine to me! Because, without you, I don't know what to do!
Dr. Kelso: Admitting it is the first step, Perry! Am I right, Ace?
J.D.: You are correct, sir! Haha-!
Dr. Cox: That's enough on that one - I think we've clearly exhausted it.

Carla: Look, Dr. Cox and I go way back - I just hate to see him setting himself up to get hurt like this. I'm gonna talk to him.
Turk: Here we go.
Carla: What? Where we go?
Turk: Sometimes you have a habit of telling other people how to live their lives, and... maybe, possibly, sometimes... people don't appreciate it that... A little.
Carla: Puh-lease! When do I ever get involved in people's personal business?

Carla: Elliot, listen to me: You have to sit down and make a budget.
Elliot: You know, I called my mom today, to see if she could convince my dad to send some cash, right? She says I should try and think of this whole thing as some kind of opportunity, and then she hung up on me!
J.D.: Just like that?
Elliot: Well, I may have told her that she spends more money dying her roots than I do on groceries

Carla: Listen, um... We just think that getting back with Jordan might be a mistake. You guys just don't seem to... What am I trying to say, Baby?
Turk: I dunno.
Carla: You just don't connect the way a couple should. Do you know what I mean?
Dr. Cox: That pretty much the way you feel about it, there, Ghandi?
Turk: I dunno!
Dr. Cox: Interesting.

J.D.: Thanks for starting the Solumedrol on my TTP patient. And, Laverne, I'm sorry I'm being such a pain about this guy, it's just that Dr. Cox and I have this little competition going... and I know that probably seems insensitive to you...
Laverne: Sweetheart, you don't have to explain yourself to me. But you'd better get your story straight when you come face to face with Jesus.

Scrubs Season 2 Episode 9 Quotes

Carla: Jordan was right about me. I'm insecure, and I judge people to cover up for it. I mean, even right now, all I can think about is to tell you that you're a surgeon now, and if you want to be taken seriously you have to start acting like an adult.
Turk: And you had to say all of that?
Carla: Well, you have a habit of not listening to things unless people spell them out for you! Oh, my God, I can't stop!

Turk: Baby, maybe it's something you need to work on, that's all?
Carla: Sweetie, I promise you, I will never, ever, tell you what to do ever again.
Turk: Yeah, you will. But with me, it's okay, because I love you. Besides, I barely listen, anyway!