Scrubs Season 4 Episode 9: "My Malpractical Decision" Quotes
J.D.: For your information, there's a certain foxy nurse that requested my services at her apartment just last weekend.
Flashback: There's bouncing and jostling of a bed.
J.D.: Hold on. I'm almost there!
He backs away from the bed.
J.D.: Okay! Your new bed's all in. What now?
Nurse: You leave.
She turns to her shirtless date and they begin making out
J.D.: Still don't understand why he couldn't do it.
Dr. Cox: So now, what, she just bats her eyes and you change your tune? Who in the hell am I kidding? Of course you fell for her act, you're the loneliest guy in this hospital!
Carla: Oh, no, he's not the loneliest guy. That's the loneliest guy. Watch this... Excuse me?
She taps Lloyd on the shoulder
Lloyd: Mmmmm.
Dr. Cox: I'm not gonna lie to you there, Newbie, you really impressed me by parroting my ethical speech back to me. What the hell got into you?
J.D.'s Narration: As for me, I didn't have to say anything and he knew.
Zooms down the hall to Neena, who winks at J.D.
Dr. Cox: Ohh, Priscilla, you are so busted!
J.D.'s Narration: Dammit, he sees like a hawk!
J.D.: Listen, I know you hate everything about Miss Broderick, but her father is in need of medical care, and it is our medical obligation to treat him, whether his daughter is a murderer, a drug addict, or a terrorist.
Dr. Cox: I know, but a lawyer?
J.D.: Even a lawyer.
Neena: You're sweet.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh my God, is she flirting with me?
Neena: Oh my God, am I flirting with you?
J.D.'s Narration: Oh my God, is she psychic?
Mr. Corman: Yeah, fine. Okay, I'll go practice, I'll tell you how it went - just gimme your cell phone number.
Turk: All right, that's it. Look, Mr. Corman, I will see you whenever I have office hours, but I will not see you outside of this hospital. And there is no way that I would ever give you my cell phone number! No matter how awesome or perfect it may be! Are we clear on that?
Mr. Corman: Yes, doctor.
Janitor: Maybe it's just me, but... I wouldn't put up with that.
Mr. Corman: I'm listening.
Mr. Corman: I thought that we could head over to my tennis club - I'll show you what's going on with my serve.
Can you hop a tall fence? I'm a little behind on my dues.
Turk: Sure, a black guy breaking in to a country club. Mm, nothing bad could happen there!
Doug: Elliot, I know everyone thinks I'm this huge screw-up, but I just want you to know that I'm gonna turn it around!
Elliot: Doug! This is a quarantined area!
Turk: Mr. Corman, a nurse said this was a full-on emergency.
Mr. Corman: I just came from the courts. It's been six weeks since you did my shoulder surgery, and my serve still has no pop. No zip, I tell ya!
Carla: You have to understand that this is a healing process.
Mr. Corman: Who invited Nurse Twitchy?
Turk: Okay, Mr. Corman, for the- How many visits is this?
Mr. Corman: Twenty-seven.
Turk: Okay, for the twenty-seventh time, we're gonna ask you to do your therapy and just be patient.
Mr. Corman: I have a singles match against my mother on Monday. I lose to her, I lose my pride... I'm assuming these Q-Tips are complimentary.
So, Doug, this is the morgue!... Hm. Cute, the little toe-tag. Like a present.
Elliot
Elliot: Yeah, and Kelso wants me to keep hiding Doug until that attorney leaves. Isn't that ridiculous?
Carla: Elliot, the man tried to electrocute me an hour ago. All I care about is whether or not this twitch goes away. You should take Doug down to the morgue. The worst he could do there is bring somebody back to life!
Turk(on answering machine): Dude! Mr. Corman is suing me! And that ice princess is his attorney! When did he get a chance to meet her?! What am I gonna do? Call Turk as soon as you get this!
Neena: Are you coming in or what?
J.D.'s Narration: In the end, it's always best to rely on your principles to make decisions.
J.D.: Hell yeah!
Answering Machine: Message deleted.
