Scrubs Season 4 Episode 13: "My Ocardial Infarction" Quotes
Janitor: Yeah! Well, you win! Heh.
Ted's Band: Woo.
Elliot: Your-your band didn't even sing yet.
Ted's Band: Aww.
Janitor: There's no need. You win!
Ted's Band: Woo.
Carla: Baby. What's going on with you?
Turk: Ever since I got this thing? I've been joking around about it, sneaking cookies, and hiding from it. All because I'm scared to ask myself the questions: Is it gonna get worse? Or are our kids gonna have it? Or how old am I gonna be when it finally gets me?... You don't understand.
Carla: I don't understand? Turk, look at me, I'm a WOD.
Turk: I keep trying to tell you this, but it's the mirror in the bathroom, baby. You haven't gained a pound since I met you!
Carla: No, I'm a WOD - Wife Of Diabetic.
Elliot: J.D., you've been the golden boy around here for the past three years while I have cried in closets and hid from Dr. Cox and relied on you every single day to get me through it. I mean, now that I am finally doing well enough to pay you back, maybe you can tell me why you're being such an unbelievable jerk?
J.D.: Because you're the one that's supposed to struggle - not me.
J.D.: I just, I don't know what to do when everything goes wrong at once. It's-it's-it's overwhelming.
Elliot: You wanna know what my big secret is? Just take one big breath. Everything will slow down and you can just tackle each thing as it comes.
J.D.: That's your big secret? Breathing?
Elliot: Why do you have such a problem with me teaching you stuff?
J.D.: It's just that you're a little smug.
Elliot: You called yourself Dr. Diagnosis and made me your side-kick.
Janitor: I don't know, this whole Blonde Doctor situation has me mortified. I've gathered the brain trust here to help me figure a way out of this.
Randall: Uh-oh, bro. There she is.
Troy: You want me to hobble her?
Janitor: That's not hobbling, that's-that's... poking.
Laverne: Honey bear! You look blue. Have a cookie.
Carla: Nah-ah-ah, Laverne. No more jackin' up my man's blood sugar just so you can buy yourself a camper.
Turk: So this is all a big joke to you guys? 'Cause this is my life, and I don't think it's funny.
Laverne: Now I gotta try to get back in on that craps game in the basement.
Carla: Why is my stapler on the floor?
She bends over to retrieve it, Todd stepping from around the corner for a look.
Carla whips around and slaps him.
Todd: Face-five! Oh, yeah!
Turk: Oh, you taught Todd the slap thing?
J.D.: If you could just help me with these train wreck codes.
Dr. Cox: You're finally at that stage where you and your equally undistinguished colleagues have all had enough training to be able to help each other. So no matter how humiliating it may seem, if you know somebody who's better than you - and I'm bettin' that you do? - you had best tuck that ridiculously feminine tail of yours between your legs and go ask her for help. I'm thinkin' that's just about it. Yep. I, uh, gosh, I'm all out of speeches. I don't think I have, uh, another one on me. I... I don't. The- Oh. These are... my goodbye guns.
He "fires" his fingers in the air
J.D.: Those aren't real guns.
J.D.: I don't get it. When did she become a better doctor than me?
Dr. Cox: Probably during one of those countless times you were goofing off?
J.D.: Eh! As soon as I step foot in this hospital, I'm all business.
J.D.: Good morning, Dr. Cox! From the world's most giant doctor!
J.D.: Well, that was outside the hospital.
J.D.'s Narration: I've never been a great liar.
J.D.: Lookin' straight, Bruce.
J.D.'s Narration: That's why I knew it'd be better for me if I just fessed up to Dr. Cox.
J.D.: Elliot diagnosed Mrs. Kasuba, not me.
Dr. Cox: I know. And your guilty anguish is - it's delicious. It's like a little mini-meal between lunch and dinner. Quite frankly, it's all I can do not to grind pepper on your head.
J.D.: Acute intermittent porphyria! I figured it out! All right, who's got Dr. Cox's pager number? Oh, who'm I kidding, I've got my Perry's Pager Song.
J.D.'s Narration: "Dr. Cox at my door, pager 324."
Oh, God... Okay, I don't ask for much, just a little help with a stain every now and then. I'd like to be able to communicate with animals... But right now, oh boy, we need a miracle. Hibbleton - whatever that means - on three.Janitor