Scrubs Season 3 Episode 1: "My Own American Girl" Quotes
Well, Zsa Zsa. Now you've put me in quite the pickle. You see, with those earphones on, you can't hear me; but! the odds are highly against you cracking open that yapper and annoying me today. So, what to do? What to do? What to do? Ahh, hell-(he yanks the earphone out of J.D.'s ears) Stop addressing me as "Dr. Cox" in front of your patients. When they find out my actual name, they tend to page me with questions when they realize just exactly how inept you really are. Oh, and as an added safety measure, from now on, I'll only be responding to Doc, Doctor, Ceasar, or The Big Cheese, and noooo, I'm not joking. Not now, not ever.
Dr. Cox
Now, I'm real sorry I cold-cocked you there, Bob. I shouldn't have done that. Even if it did feel so damn good I changed my pants afterwards.
Dr. Cox
J.D.: Look, I know you're the only x-ray tech on tonight, all right? But I just need a quick abdominal scan to make sure Mrs. Farr doesn't have an obstruction.
Laddy: Uh-uh-uh! Don't want to know who they are! Don't want to know how they're doing! Just wanna go "click-click!" and get 'em out of here! Now, your lady's about forty people down on the list. And as always, uh, there are no cutsies.
Dr. Cox: That's, uh, that's my son.
Prisoner: He's adorable. Can I keep it?
Dr. Cox: No, no you-you certainly may not! Bad man.
It feels good to work as a team and gather all the pieces of the puzzle together so we can finally look Mrs. Farr in the face and tell her... we still don't know what the hell she has.
J.D.'s Narration
Dr. Cox: But, still, I'm starting to think it would be smart if you and I were to bury the hatchet. What do you say, there, Bob?... Come, on, handsome!
Dr. Kelso: Listen up, ace: You will always be a royal pain in my ass, and I will always be waiting for the day when I get to jam that knife into your side once and for all; and you know it as well as I do!
Dr. Cox straightens Kelso's nose.
Dr. Kelso: Much better, thanks!
Dr. Cox: You're welcome.
Dr. Kelso: People don't change, Perry.
J.D.: Dr. Cox, I managed to get some tests done on Mrs. Farr...
Dr. Cox: Look, Gwyneth, you're old enough now to hear this from me: Every time I go out of my way to help you children, I get nothing but trouble. Now this is the first five minute window I've had in the last week to be with my son. And I'm just not gonna have you pirouetting around in here while my heart is breaking inside.
J.D.: Sorry.
Jordan: Your heart is breaking inside? That is so embarrassing for you!
Dr. Cox: Thank you for that.
Turk: I don't understand how you think you can get this cardiologist to do an echo-cardiogram for us.
Carla: I've worked in the Cath. Lab before - I understand how these guys think. Plus I had a one-nighter with him a long time ago.
Turk: Okay! Oh-ho-ho! You're telling me this guy in here got tasty treats?
Carla: Turk! I worked here eight years before you showed up - I had sexual needs.
Turk: Okay, first of all, that's disgusting.
Laddy: See, because of the way I laid on top of you, I can tell people this is an x-ray of Siamese twins! How cool is that!
J.D.: It's so cool, Laddy, let's never talk to anyone about it, ever!
Dr. Moyer: I'm head of the radiology department. You call me in from home to do an abdominal CAT-scan that could wait until Monday morning? Well, guess what? It's not happening.
J.D.: Look, Dr. Moyer-
Dr. Moyer: THESE ARE MY MACHINES!
Carla: Sir-
Dr. Moyer: MY MACHINES!
Turk: Whose machines?
Dr. Moyer: MY MACHINES!
J.D.: How is that helpful?
Oh, so you're going to sock me again. Good God, Perry, at a certain point you're just beating up an old man.
Dr. Kelso
Now, I would've never figured it out unless you guys had done the leg work. You four deserve all the credit, really... Mrs. Farr, Dr. Cox has saved the day! Don't ya just love it?
Dr. Cox
