J.D.: Okay first you gotta get like fifty candles, spread em' all over the room with some rose petals...
Turk: That's right because the roses are beautiful and they make the room smell amazing.
J.D.: Like a meadow in spring time...
Carla: What are you guys talking about?
Turk: Nothing, guy talk.
J.D.: Yeah, bitches and hoes!

J.D.: I think the Larkins compliment each other; they're a good team. Kinda remind me of us.
Dr. Cox: Rosanne, now granted I was, as usual, only half-way listening to you, but I get the sinking feeling you just compared us to a married couple. And I know, I know, a girl can dream but this is never gonna happen.

Dr. Kelso: Laverne, I'm going to pretend you're not wearing that.
Laverne: Don't you usually wait 'til you're at home to do that?

J.D.: (Talking about death) I think it's like a game of dodge ball. There's a lot of chaos and screaming and you know, eventually you get your glasses snapped in half by the big kid who already has underarm hair. But then you wake up in the hot nurse's office and when she leans in to put that bandage on your nose you get a sense that something could actually happen if you just took a chance and buried your face in her knockers.
Dr. Cox: Holy cow. I'm so sorry. I guess for my part, I think death is a whole lot like that story, quite frankly, but if there is a God, it'll be a lot quicker and half as painful.

Elliot: Dr. Kelso. I am through taking my clothes off in front of men!
Dr. Kelso: I think I can speak for all of us when I say: We'll live.

Dr. Kelso: Uh, Ted. Dr. Koppelman has notified me that he will be vacating the office next to mine. His deteriorating health has made it impossible for him to continue on with us.
Ted: Oh, dear. Should we send him a card?
Dr. Kelso: Absolutely! See if you can find one that says, "Crippling arthritis or not, I want you out of my hospital by sundown so I can knock down your wall and make myself a giant office!"
Ted: You're a wonderful man.

Janitor: Can I borrow a pen?
J.D.: Here! Take this one!
Janitor: Thanks.
J.D.: See? We don't always have to be like, "Bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh." We could be like, "Hey! How ya doin'! I'm good, thanks!" This can work, you know? We can--can be there for each other.
Janitor: It's just a pen, Scooter, not a kidney.

J.D.: Congratulations! So, when are you gonna ask her?
Turk: Tonight. I'm gonna make her a nice dinner, then I'm gonna put the ring in her champagne glass.
J.D.: You might as well put it in her cham-lame glass.

Carla: So, anyway, Laverne, I have to fly out late for the funeral tonight, and I'm gonna need your help covering my shifts.
Laverne: Anything for you, honey.
Carla: Thanks, mama.
J.D.: Hey, Laverne, can I borrow a nickel so I can get a soda?
Laverne: Sorry, this window's closed!

J.D.: I'd say she's pregnant.
Dr. Cox: Just a terrific catch, there, Newbie. Listen to her heart, will ya? I heard mitral stenosis and I need an extra set of ears, let's go.
J.D.: It's kinda flattering that you'd choose me.
Dr. Cox: Ears, Newbie, ears! Not mouth

Dude, why eat medical supplies when you've got pudding and tater-tots? It makes no sense!


Elliot: Every woman here hates the fact that they've gotta get undressed in a co-ed locker room. Except for Naked Nancy, but, I mean, she's an exhibitionist and she's got a whole other set of problems.
Ted: We have a co-ed locker room? Hot damn!
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, if you really feel the need to discuss it, just write it out on a piece of paper and slip it in my suggestion box.
Elliot: Really?
Dr. Kelso: Yeah! Ted! Show it to her.
Ted shows Elliot the trash can
Ted: Sorry.
Elliot: It's okay.
Ted: So, uh... this locker room... Do you have to be a doctor to change in there, or what?

Scrubs Season 2 Episode 13 Quotes

Elaine: I'm not afraid of death. I mean, if I got a heart, that would be great. Still, if they told me it was never gonna happen, I think that'd be okay, too. It's the waiting I can't take. I just wanna know one way or the other, you know?
Dr. Cox: I got an idea: Why don't we switch to a cheerier subject!
J.D.: What do you think death is like?
Elaine: I really hope it's like a big Broadway musical. Everyone's all dressed up and singing to the rafters, and you go out with a real flourish.

Turk: Will you marry me?
Carla: What did you say?
Turk: I think I said, "Will you marry me?"
Carla: Turk, wow!
Turk: I got a ring. Um... I don't have it on me, but, uh... it's in a safe place.
Carla: I can't believe this! I- I've imagined you saying this to me like a thousand times... I just never imagined that when you actually asked, all I would say is... I need to think.
Turk: Cool! Uh... Yeah, whew! That's-that's-that's-that's what I was hoping to hear!