Scrubs Season 4 Episode 16: "My Quarantine" Quotes
Now, keep an eye on the bum's vitals. I gave him enough sedative to put down a rhino.J.D.
(Elliot notices the unconscious bum)
Elliot: Wow, he is really out.
J.D.: A mild sedative fell into his juice box.
Carla: Give him a break! What if you found out Jordan had a history with somebody here?
Dr. Cox: Oh, fair enough. Uh, hey, everyone! In the brief eighteen months that Jordan and I weren't together, how many of you had your way with her?
(Just about everyone raises their hands, except J.D., who tries to look innocent.)
Dr. Cox: Bear in mind, I'm gonna need absolute honesty here or I will brain you.
(When Kylie's attention is turned, J.D. quickly sticks his hand up.)
Dr. Cox: Anyway, whoever taught Jordan that reverse cowgirl position... it's long overdue, but thank you.
Dr. Mickhead: You're welcome.
Carla: You're a freak.
Dr. Cox: Hey, baby.
Carla: Keep it together.
Dr. Cox: Do you remember that quarantine we had seven years ago? It was just you and me, all alone late at night here in the I.C.U.?
Turk: That's it.
Carla: Turk! You really had to do that?
Dr. Cox: Come on. If he wasn't such a jealous baby, it wouldn't be such a big deal.
J.D.: What the hell are you doing?
Bum: I need more cash.
J.D.: For what?
Bum: I'm puttin' DSL in my box.
J.D.: Fine! But know this: you've been nothing but a disappointment to me since the moment I ran over you.
Danni: J.D.! J.D.! Look at me! (She blows her mouth on the glass)
Kylie: Ugh! That's exactly the kind of girl my ex-boyfriend would have dated.
J.D.: I barely know her.
J.D.'s Narration: And the lies begin again.
J.D.: I certainly would never sleep with her.
J.D.'s Narration: That's it - you're stronger than this. Not another lie!
J.D.: I race motorcycles.
Carla: Okay, maybe I'm guilty of a lie of omission.
Turk: 'Cause you're a lie omitter!
Elliot: So, you just tell her the truth, she's mad at you for a little while, and then she forgives ya.
J.D.: I see what you're saying! There's no downside!
Carla: The worst first date that I ever had was with this guy who took me to this dump of a pizza parlor, right?
Turk: Yeah... you know what? Really don't wanna hear about this one. Okay!
Dr. Cox: ...And she didn't like the pizza I ordered because it had anchovies on it. You believe that?
Carla: It had anchovies.
Dr. Cox: And pineapples.
Carla: And pineapples?
Dr. Cox: And red peppers.
Carla: And green peppers.
Carla: Wait - red peppers!
Bum: I want more money.
Bum: Fifty bucks or I tell the girl.
J.D.: I don't have it!
Bum: Get it!
J.D.: Elliot, I need another doctor over here, stat!
J.D.: Gimme thirty dollars.
Elliot: I gave you twenty, I'm tapped! Ask Johnson. He's loaded.
J.D.: I need a dermatologist over here, stat!
Dr. Johnson: Oh yeah! Time to shine! What do you need? Is it a rash?
Dr. Kelso: So how much does he owe me, Barbarino?
Todd: Six hundred so far.
Janitor: Dammit, man, you cannot afford this.
Kylie: Let's go.
J.D.: Kylie, wait. I paid Steve fifty bucks and an I.O.U. for another hundred and twenty to fake a heart attack. I just-I really wanted tonight to go well.
Kylie: Is there anything else?
Danni: Adios, assface.
J.D.: I had sex with her. A lot.
Kylie: Why are you telling me this?
J.D.: If I don't come clean now, whether it's a few weeks or months or years from now, I know it's gonna come back to haunt me and ruin us, and I don't want that.
Kylie: I'm not looking for a project.
J.D.: Yeah... I understand. It's...
Kylie: So get it together. Now let's go get some coffee.