Scrubs Season 5 Episode 2: "My Rite of Passage" Quotes
There it is, just like I said. I can feel your hatred like a cool spring breeze. Ahhh.
Dr. Kelso
Dr. Cox: Ladies and gentlemen, that is some quality Crack Addict Theatre!
Turk: I can't watch this.
Laverne: Then move your big, bald biscuit head! Some of us don't have cable.
J.D.: Have you been following me around all day dressed like an intern?
Janitor: Yes. And you're a terrible teacher - I'm not prepared to operate on anyone!
J.D.: Whatever. If it wasn't funny, why did they all laugh?
Janitor: Wake up and smell the third floor urinal I haven't cleaned in four years!
Mr. Thompson: Hey! If you feel like talking, I've got a dandy conversation starter: I have had someone else's fingers in four - count 'em, four - different orifices today.
Jordan: Oh! Must be your birthday.
Jordan: So I hear you and the wife are trying for a boy. Little tip: The night that Perry and I conceived Jack, he was on top, it was about three days before my ovulation...yeah. Oh, and he was choking me. Gagh! Ah, it was good.
Carla: Or that stupid Siamese twin thing you do?
Turk: You mean Multi-Ethnic Siamese Doctor?
Dr. Kelso: Son, when you're an intern, you get treated like crap; and then when you're in a position of power, you do the same thing to them. It's inevitable! Like the tide, or the awkward toast I'm going to have to give some day at my son's big gay wedding. Mark my words: Eventually you'll treat them like dirt like the rest of us do.
Elliot: Charlie, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told you yesterday when you popped out of that haz-mat bin: I work alone, and you have somebody's else's blood on your neck. Take a shower, man.
J.D.: So what did you want me to get you?
Turk: A small one-pump mocha?
J.D.: Wasn't that your nickname in high school? Helloooooooooo!
J.D.: Have you guys been fake-laughing at my jokes? Be honest, I promise: absolutely no ramifications!
Keith: Well, we've been kinda fake-laughing!
J.D.: Keith, I hope you die a violent death and bugs eat your corpse!
I wasn't sure if you wanted to give him more money or cut out the middle-man and just give him narcotics, so I brought your ATM card and a heroin sandwich. (Takes a bite of the sandwich) It's not heroin. It's smoked turkey.
Dr. Cox
(to his interns) Kick some ass today, guys! Except for Mr. Woodsen in 302.. he's got a rectal tear!
J.D.
