Dr. Cox: Oh joy! I get to work on Mrs. Creeden with the Wonder Twins. Dear Lord, what in thy most Holy Name have I done to offend thee so?
Elliot: My brother Bradley and I used to always pretend that we were the Wonder Twins. He would always become "form of a dragon" and then I would wanna be a dragon too, but he said I'd be something made of water so I'd be like "shape of an ice dragon" and then he'd say I was copying him and he'd breathe on me and I'd have to melt but it was still so awesome.
Dr. Cox: That's funny, I don't recall asking for a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, re-he-heally boring story. My God barbie! Don't you understand no one cares?
Turk: I care.
Dr. Cox: Correction. No one important cares.

Dr. Kelso: Stay away from definite answers. Leave yourself some wiggle room. Say things like, "We'll do what we can," or "We'll get back to you on that," or "Hell I don't know."
J.D.: Couldn't think of a third one sir?
Dr. Kelso: That was the third one. Ass face.

Dr. Cox: What's up Laverne?
Laverne: This Friday, my church group's doing a production of "Rent", if you wanna go.
Dr. Cox: Yeah... what's up that doesn't make me wanna shoot myself?

Hey chum, what do you say? Listen, I just wanted to tell you not to worry about getting that silly CAT scan on Mrs. Creeden, cause it turns out I'm just gonna rip her stitches open, jam my head in there and have a look around in there for myself. Damnit, when I tell you to do something, you sure as hell better get it done.

Dr. Cox

Todd: T-Dog, that was big of you to cover for Elliot. You know, I had a good mind to spank her yesterday.
Turk: What, she screw up with one of your patients, too?
Todd: No.

Well, hell, Barbie... look at me. It's not like I've always been the centered, well-adjusted guy-smiley you see walking up and down the halls of this dump.

Dr. Cox

Janitor: Yeah, there's been some break-ins, I had to change all the locks on these lockers. You should have gotten your new combination in the mail.
J.D.: Well, I didn't. Do you know what it is?
Janitor: Yeah.
J.D.: But you're not gonna tell me, are you.
Janitor: Can't. Janitor-locker confidentiality.

Elliot: What the hell, Turk!
Dr. Cox: Ohhh, good, Barbie! Now really access the anger!
Elliot: How could you do that to me?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, honestly. How could you?
Turk: Okay, I just wanted to protect you - give you a little break.
Dr. Cox: The old "I'm trying to help you" gambit? Barbie, see through that. Yo' kick him! Yo' kick him right now!
Turk: Elliot...
Dr. Cox: "I'm sorry!"

J.D.: How did this happen?
Elliot: J.D., I'm homeless; I have no money, and everything I own is outside in a truck - my life's a mess. Plus, you were... going through... a lot, too...
J.D.: My peep was on the fritz. Much better now, thank you for asking.

J.D.: Ugh! What a day! Whoo-ee! I am as stressed out and vulnerable as I was last night.
Elliot: Me too.
J.D.: What to do? What to do... what to do, what to do, what to do?
Elliot: I don't feel like doing anything.
J.D.: Oh, come on, we could-we could rent a movie... got a fresh pack of Uno cards... You know what we could do? We could have sex again - I'm throwing it out there.
Elliot: Bite me.
J.D.: Oh, come on! I'm sorry, I was kidding! I'm just-it's just a joke!
Elliot: No, I mean it - like you did last night... Come bite me.

Turk: Elliot! You said you were gonna get that CAT-scan of Mrs. Credin's abdomen.
Elliot: I have been crazy-busy. I was stuck on the phone all morning with bill collectors who, by the way, are obsessed with money! I spent an hour in my truck looking for clean bras because all I've got left is this date-night push-up one - and, to be honest, I don't like working with these things under my chin all day. Plus, I am walking someplace right now, and, for the life of me, I can't remember where.
Turk: Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it for you.
Elliot: Thanks.
Turk: Mm-hmm.
Elliot: Bathroom!

Carla: You know, Mr. Woodbury's son is getting married this weekend; he keeps asking me if he's gonna be able to go.
J.D.: He's had a nasty case of pneumonia. Let's see. [reads the chart] Well, his leukocytosis is resolved, and his blood cultures are negative... Tell him we'll do the best we can.
Carla: Oh, come on! Can't we just tell him that he can go?
J.D.: Where's the wiggle room in that? There's no wiggle!

Scrubs Season 2 Episode 11 Quotes

Dr. Kelso: Ah, maybe Mr. Woodbury will be fine. Maybe he'll be back here in a few days even worse for wear because you rushed him out. Who knows? But, darn it all, though, if what I don't think is the bigger question, is why you even give a hoot?
Carla: Well, actually, sir, I have this little problem with caring for my patients.
Dr. Kelso: Still, if you decide later that what you really care about is how much your patients like you, you can always change your mind about letting Mr. Woodbury leave. Hell, I'll even back you up.

Elliot: Dr. Cox. I just wanted to let you know that Turk did the right thing by taking my patients off of my service.
Dr. Cox: Noooo. What that yellow-bellied scalpel jock should have done was to go down to Surgery and schedule himself for an early morning add-a-pair-tomy. That way, if it took, he'd have the stones to at least come and talk to you next time he had a problem.
Elliot: I just can't seem to stop letting my life out there affect my life in here, you know?
Dr. Cox: Well, hell, Barbie... look at me. It's not like I've always been the centered, well-adjusted guy-smiley you see walking up and down the halls of this dump; I mean, stuff like that takes time. But, eventually, you learn to keep your personal problems separate from this place.
Elliot: So, what do I do until then?
Dr. Cox: You get your damn life in order... Oh, and, Barbie? Let's say word were to get out that Uncle Cox was doling out the feel goods? I'll make ya pay - ya have no idea. Huge!