Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday...

Jordan

Why does your TV smell like doo-doo?

Turk

Carla: Look, I feel like I can give you a list of things that are sucky about being pregnant. For starters, I am now horny as I have ever been and my husband is repulsed by me.
Turk: Listen, if you really need it that badly, I will suck it up and shut my eyes so tight and then do you.
Carla: Thank you for the sacrifice.
Turk: It's because I love you.

And there it was, the moment where pity was turning into genuine affection - classic Dorian.

J.D.

Kim: See ya round six, wear something slutty. Zoom, zoom, zoom!
J.D.:It's mine.

J.D.: Two and a half weeks is too long to wait for a third date.
Kim: I'm pregnant.
J.D.: What now?

I hate cleaning up after those messy old queens. Oooh, appletini, when did they start drinking straight guy drinks?

J.D.'s Narration

Carla: It is ok, don't get up. I got it!
Turk: Okay.
Carla: It's only your child.

Elliot Reid - Moment Killer

J.D.'s Narration

Elliot: Tell me every detail about the first date.
Kim: We went horseback riding on the beach.
Elliot: Ah yes, I have been on that date.
Kim: Oh really?
J.D.: What? I had a coupon.

(On the phone) No mom! Playpen and baby cage is not like "toe-may-toe toe-mah-toe."

Janitor

J.D.: I was going to make you dinner and then go to karaoke but I don't know how to do both the same night...Unless of course...
Elliot: J.D., not floating head doctor.
J.D.: Too late, I'm already there.

Scrubs Season 5 Quotes

Once when we were dating, Elliot asked me to urinate on her!

J.D.

Betrayal-five!

Todd