Seinfeld Quotes

I don't think I could do it. You know, they always remember the first time. I don't want to be remembered. I wanna be forgotten.

George

(George just found out that Susan was fired)
George: This is great! He fired her! This is incredible, he fired her. I'm out, baby! I'm out!
Jerry: Why did he fire her?
George: Because I kissed her in the meeting. Russell found out, he fired her over the phone. Finally, my stupidity pays off!

Elaine: Marla and I went out for coffee and afterwards I was crossing the street and he was biking right towards me. So I got out of the way just in time, but then he ran into a parked car. He hit his head and everything went flying.
George: Something happened to the food?!!

A crazy clown is after you? Oh, that's rich!

Ticket Taker

Joe: Are you still afraid of clowns?
Kramer: Uh-huh...

Elaine: Are you alright? You don't seem like yourself
Joe: Who am I?
Elaine: Good question..very existential. Who am I?..well obviously (looking at wall of photos of her)

George: We'll take it.
Kramer: No.
George: No, are you crazy?
Kramer: Let me handle this.
George: That's $500 that's a great deal.
Kramer: Man, you're blowing it, the guy's a pigeon.
George: This is not a Metallica concert, it's an opera. A little dignity, a little class.

I like this opera crowd; I feel tough.

Jerry

The hardest part about being a clown, it seems to me, would be that you're constantly referred to as a clown. "Who was that clown?", "I'm not working with that clown, did you hire that clown?", "The guy's a clown!". How do you even start into being a clown, how do you know that you want to be a clown, I guess you get to a point where your pants look so bad, it's actually easier to become a clown than having the proper alterations done. Because if you think about it, a clown, if there isn't a circus around them, is really just a very annoying person. You're in the back seat of this guy's Volkswagen, "What, you're picking somebody else up? Oh man!"

Jerry

(Loud thump is heard from the door)
Jerry: Who is it?
Kramer: It's me!
Kramer: Why are you locking the door now?

Elaine: You left your door open.
Joe Davola: I know, I like to encourage intruders.

Oh, dammit, you know I just remembered I gotta go. I left something on, the gas, the lights, the water in the tub. Something is on somewhere so Im just gonna get the uh

Elaine

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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