Karen: Is this about you sleeping with Jody?
Sheila: What? No! Yes! You know about that? Honey I'm so sorry I didn't mean to, it was an accident.
Karen: An accident? Where his penis just slipped into your vagina?

Alright you gotta get me out of this car, I'm getting too horned up.


Here's the thing Fiona, I wanna be with you but I'm not one of those kids you can boss around. I'm sorry but now I gotta go pick up my wife's boyfriend.


Also you never use toilet paper on your dick after you take a piss. Tap the end, let the drops fall off, flush.

Lip [to unborn son]

Little Hank's being raised by wolves.


Ian: Mom's bipolar Debs.
Debbie: Like the North Pole and the South Pole?

Thank you for this food that we are about to eat, thank you for bringing my Monica back to me, and please make my brother clayton burn in all eternity when the time comes. Amen.

Frank [saying Grace]

Fuck Mother Nature she doesn't have to worry about her vagina getting all stretched out!


Sometimes it's not worth holding out. Life's too short, why not just give in?


You asked if I've managed before, yeah a house full of kids. Taught me how to smack with one hand while giving a pat on the back with the other.


Nancy Grace, there's got to be a missing white girl somewhere!


The best part of making a baby is that you get to have sex while doing it.


Shameless Season 2 Quotes

Kevin: Circle doesn't start with an S? What the fuck? Cat I know that shit bitch! That's a cat!
Veronica: You learnin' stuff off the TV again?

The best gift you can give is neglect. Neglect fosters self-reliance.

Frank [to Lip]