V: Who's that?
Kev: Probably a Gallagher.

Sister Francis: Amy brought this in for show-and-tell day today.
[Sister Francis waves a dildo at Kev and V.]
V: That's weird.
Kev: I wonder where she got that from.

Fiona: Hi, is Ford here?
Patty: Do you know what time it is?
Ford: What's going on? Fiona ... I got this, Patty.
Fiona: Patty? Yes ... you said Patty was your mother.
Patty: I'm his wife.

Mickey: I rolled on the cartel I was working for and in exchange, guess who gets to pick where he gets locked up?
Ian: Holy fuck.
Mickey: Oh, hey. I got bottom so you're on top.

Geneva: You are putting lives at risk, kids want Gay Jesus.
Fiona: Well, they can't have him, he belongs with his family.

Customer: Frank, your piss is brown.
Frank: It is brown.

Liam, come in here and rub your baby mother's feet.

Sissy

If my brother is sent to jail I'm going to set a van on fire and make sure you're inside of it, you little pixie.

Fiona

You're making me want cock!

Debbie

Lip: No.
Liam: I'm not feeling so good. I think I'm coming down with something.
Lip: Buddy, it's not happening. You're going to school. Go.
Liam: It's a waste of time. I'm not learning anything. Could you just homeschool me?

Frank: Military service is for losers.
Lip: Spoken like a true patriot.

Frank: Just like her mother, ready to spread her legs for a any guy with a wallet chain and a flaming skull tattoo.
Lip: Still father of the year, Frank.

Shameless Quotes

Ian: Hey Fiona? I'm gay.
Fiona: I know.

Mickey: I rolled on the cartel I was working for and in exchange, guess who gets to pick where he gets locked up?
Ian: Holy fuck.
Mickey: Oh, hey. I got bottom so you're on top.