Fiona: I don’t have the 25k.
Max: You don’t have 25k? Who doesn’t have 25k?
Fiona: Me.

Oh, no way! Talk a bear! That monster threw out Talk a bear.

Kev

Kev: V and Kevin are dead.
Shontelle: What?
Kev: Yes, I murdered them, and there’s blood everywhere. You’re next, Shontelle.

Fiona: Adult shit, okay.
Debbie: Fuck that, I’m not a kid. I have a kid.

No, hell no, over my god damn dead body. You think I’m getting pregnant again?

V

Neighbor: Shut the hell up.
Fiona: You shut the hell up. I’m a fucking mermaid.

V: Who's that?
Kev: Probably a Gallagher.

Fiona: Hi, is Ford here?
Patty: Do you know what time it is?
Ford: What's going on? Fiona ... I got this, Patty.
Fiona: Patty? Yes ... you said Patty was your mother.
Patty: I'm his wife.

Mickey: I rolled on the cartel I was working for and in exchange, guess who gets to pick where he gets locked up?
Ian: Holy fuck.
Mickey: Oh, hey. I got bottom so you're on top.

Sister Francis: Amy brought this in for show-and-tell day today.
[Sister Francis waves a dildo at Kev and V.]
V: That's weird.
Kev: I wonder where she got that from.

Geneva: You are putting lives at risk, kids want Gay Jesus.
Fiona: Well, they can't have him, he belongs with his family.

Customer: Frank, your piss is brown.
Frank: It is brown.

Shameless Quotes

Ian: Hey Fiona? I'm gay.
Fiona: I know.

He's coming back. His parents are ass holes.

Debbie