Why would anyone go to the zoo sober?


I've had so many abortions the next one is free.


I'd trade my left nut for one more hour of sleep.


Monica: Your mother, was a real cunt.
Frank: Amen.

Steve: Lip will bring you later, you go, come Lip.
Estefania: Ah yes, I come on Lip.
Steve: With! You come with, Lip!

Kevin: Circle doesn't start with an S? What the fuck? Cat I know that shit bitch! That's a cat!
Veronica: You learnin' stuff off the TV again?

Sometimes when I see the word hospice on the screen I pronounce it ho-spice in my head.


Sheila: Rats, it says in order to have a Hospice license I have to get a nursing degree.
Jody: University of River Phoenix it's all online. I've seen the ads on TV.

Now I'm off to lead tiny testosterone animals to victory. Gonna warm em up and give em my best Friday Night Lights speech about hearts, eyes, or some sh*t.


You haven't even claimed your mom's body from the morgue yet and you're trying to tell me how to treat mine?

Ian [to Frank]

Ian: You're lucky your moms dead.
Mandy: Yeah.

Frank: Gonna wash his mouth out with soap!
Carl: You can wash mine out, I wanna fart bubbles!

Shameless Season 2 Quotes

The best gift you can give is neglect. Neglect fosters self-reliance.

Frank [to Lip]

The man's in love with his own fabulous self, probably masturbates while he licks his reflection in the mirror.