Stan Against Evil
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on IFCStan Against Evil Season 3 Quotes
Evie: Stan! I'm so glad to see you! You know, earlier tonight, I met a man named Fart.
Stan: Woman, have you seen yourself?
Evie: Oh no, I can't. I don't have a reflection anymore. But seriously. Who would name their baby Fart?
Denise: Hmpf. I miss Kevin.
Evie: Oh, so you have two boyfriends now. [vampire hiss] Must be nice to be you!
Evie: Denise! What are you doing?
Denise: Killing a hobo with a hammer. What are you doing??
Stan: What are you guys watchin'? A goddamned asshole show?
Evie: Vampire Creek.
Denise: It's a show about sexy teen vampires.
Stan: They live in a creek?
Denise: No. It's the name of the town.
Stan: Oh, no. You wanna see a sexy vampire, you gotta, you gotta watch those Hammer films with Ingrid Pit, that British chick with good teeth and a coupla horn-honkin' milk jugs. Oh, I gotta tell ya ... What?
Stan: You changed your shirt.
Denise: I did. How did you know?
Stan: I can smell the different thread count screaming at me like a thousand sirens.
Sheriff, come out and play-ayyy!
Marty Nubbin
I'm gonna bite your ding dong. [Stan tosses him across the room] I haven't forgotten about your ding dong.
Marty Nubbin
I don't need your help. I can see with my ears, like Jesus.
Aw, take it easy. Bill's good people. It's not his fault he's a demon, right Bill?
Driver: So what brings you to Willards Mill?
Demon: I'm here to collect souls.
Driver: [slams on the breaks] Well, here we are. Just cut through those woods and go another 18 miles.
Now let's bang out some spells and spring us some goddamned souls. Waddya say?
OK, confession time. The spell you just recited is, well, basically you just condemned yourselves to hell. I know. I conned you. I'm sorry. [chuckles]. Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm sorry I'm not sorry. Can you be that? I think I'm that!
Bill
