Gil: Do you know what is special about the hours between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. on the night of March 12?
Tom: Uh, no sir.
Gil: That was the only two-hour period in which you did NOT send an email to Mr. Hirsch with the title You Can't Make a Tomlet Without Breaking Some Gregs. You send the same email to him 67 times in one evening.
Tom: I guess it was a joke [snickers nervously].

What is it like to be married to a man with two assholes?


Wanna hear what I think? I think we say the truth. [pause] That the senior cadre here and the family knew nothing of this. So we throw Mo overboard. Mo, bad apple. Jim Weasel, bad apple. Spies a book deal, sort of OJ, backed by Sandy and Stewy, all corporate fucker. No real concern. And in terms of historic shit? I'm afraid we give up Bill because he should have let us know what he discovered rather than clean up without telling us the details. I don't think there's gonna be paper that shows anything beyond Bill.


Roman: Oh, fuck. Ohhh. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This isn't business, is it?
Karl: No, it is not very businessy.
Roman: Shit.
Eduard: Don't worry. This is all normal.
Karl: Really?
Roman: Yeah, great, cause this feels super fucking normal, man. Is this, are these terrorists? And where's my fuckin' security guy? Where's Dave?
Eduard: It, it's just a, an administrative action function.
Roman: Uh, yeah, just great, and what exactly is a, oh hey, look at that. Guy not being allowed to leave the hotel. At gunpoint. That's an administrative action function. This is gr, what, what is that?
Eduard: There's just like a, um, gathering here now of us and some, some, some other investors and so on, and
Roman: With guns.
Eduard: Yeah, their guys are some kind of, um, anti-corruption kind of guys, and they're like, it's their conference or, uh, party, and we're all invited.
Roman: Uh, well, that's uh, nice, but what if we, what if we don't wanna go. Is that cool? [screams ring out]
Karl: OK.
Eduard: It's the kind of party where you have to go.

If I was to give Tom a letter grade, I'd give him a B+ for Bad plus Terrible.


What a shitshow. What a fucking shitshow.


Logan: I need you to chase down the Sovereign Wealth money.
Roman: OK. Uh, I mean, right. Uh, that's a [snickers], it's a cool idea, but it's kind of a stretch, you know?
Logan: That Central Asian money? That's no strings, fuckable dry powder. Time out from the responsibilities of being a public company. That's a fuckin' lifeline. Can you do it?
Roman: Can I do it?
Logan: Uh huh.
Roman: [laughs] Um, fuck, dad, I want to say yes, but I'll be honest, if it's like really important... I mean, I can say I can do it, like, you know, a fireman in a movie, but honestly, I
Logan: You act the fuck knuckle, but you know, people like you.
Roman: It's a really big, fucking deal to set up.
Logan: Eh, anyone can do a deal. It's getting the right number from the right suit. Getting your dick in there is easy. Getting them into bed. That's hard.
Roman: For some.
Logan: You can do it.
Roman: Then, uh, yeah. Sure dad, I got it.

Mr. Fuck is going to Washington.


Worried that I agreed to be CEO of a dumpster fire pirate death ship.


Oh, Gerri. If we're gonna kill Bill, I don't want to see Bill.


Greg: What? No, I mean, my grandpa changes his mind a lot, so it's not final, and plus, um, he's so sturdy. Like who knows how long I might have to wait. I'm good, anyway, cuz, uh, my, so, I was just talkin' to my mom, and she said, apparently, he'll leave me five million anyway, so I'm golden, baby.
Connor: You can't do anything with five, Greg. Five's a nightmare.
Greg: Is it?
Connor: Oh, yeah. Can't retire. Not worth it to work. Oh, yes, five will drive you un poco loco, my fine feathered friend.
Tom: The poorest rich person in America. The world's tallest dwarf.
Connor: The weakest strong man at the circus.

Shiv: What is it that you are trying to get? Because money? Money you can have. That's easy. Book deal. Interview appearances. We will give you millions of dollars, and I will destroy the men who ran that dirty operation. I will kill them for what they've done, and I want you to help me. We will be the best, cleanest operation in the world because of you if you help me do this. Would you help me?
Kira: Well, it sounds, uh, can I trust you?
Shiv: No. Actually, no. Kira, you're in a shitstorm of conflicting interests here. You can't trust anyone. You just have to be smart. So listen to everyone, and make an assessment, cause frankly, I want what's best for me. But the other people, the folks who want you to get up there tomorrow and get pulled apart? They want what's best for them. You need to think about what's best for you, huh?

Succession Quotes

Logan: What the fuck was that?
Shiv: Uh, I don't know. I think it's getting to people? The tension?
Logan: He ate my fuckin' chicken.
Shiv: Um hmm.
Logan: So, what's next? Stick his cock into my potato salad?

Tom: You told me. You told me you wanted an opening relationship on our fucking wedding night.
Shiv: This. Oh. So you've been stewing on that?
Tom: Why yes, I have been stewing on it. I'm not a hippy, Shiv. I don't want to stuff a dildo up my, I don't want to do threesomes!
Shiv: OK!
Tom: On our WEDDING NIGHT? Bang! Shanghaied into an open-borders free-fuck trade deal.
Shiv: It was just an idea.
Tom: Well, that's, that's a biggie just to throw in at the altar. You know? I do, I do, but I do maybe also demand to gobble the odd side dick.
Shiv: Gobble the odd side dick.
Tom: I don't think it was cool what you did. I just, you know, I think a lot of the time, if I think about it, I think a lot of the time, I'm really pretty unhappy.
Shiv: What are you saying?
Tom: I don't know. I love you, I do. I just, uh, I wonder if, I wonder if the sad I'd be without you would be less than the sad I get from being with you.