The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSThe Big Bang Theory Season 8 Quotes
I know, watching your boyfriend run around with a broomstick between his legs isn't something you forget.
Penny
Okay, that's not what I meant when I said go outside and play
Penny
Howard: You reported me to human resources?
Sheldon: You violated the sanctity of my mouth.
Howard: Well, I dropped your class, so I hope you're happy.
Sheldon: What are you doing now?
Howard: Making a straw.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: So I can shoot you with a spitball.
Sheldon: You're not going to do that, and I'll tell you why. This is an institution of higher learning, I am your professor, and you're going to treat me with the prop... You shot your spit in my mouth!
Howard: Is that gonna be on the test? Because I don't think I could do that again.
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Howard: If you're gonna be a crappy teacher, then I'm gonna be a crappy student.
I can't believe I have to waste my time babysitting a bunch of grad students who probably think dark matter is what's in their diapers.
Sheldon
Something just didn't seem right about Koothrapeeney.
Raj
I'm saying, in the spirit of science, what is that little skank's problem?
Amy
Amy: I'm stimulating the pleasures of this starfish. I just need to turn it off.
Penny: What happens if you don't?
Amy: Then I have to sit through lunch knowing this starfish is having a better day than I am.
Sheldon: So your solution is to promote me and pay me more money so tha tI can impart my knowledge to the next generation of scientists?
Mrs. Davis: Yes.
Sheldon: You people are sick.
Sheldon: I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
Howard: What a sick use of science.
Raj: Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
Amy: I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Leonard: Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Howard: Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Sheldon: Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.
As soon as we get home, I want to have coitus with Amy. Okay, she can't hear.
Sheldon
