I'm just trying to wrap my head around a parent buying their kid a happy ending!


Hey! The next time y'all wanna spy on one of my employees....please come to my office and get me!


Kyle: How are Travis and Katie doing with all this?
Riley: How are Travis and Katie? They're awful. They miss their daddy.
Kyle: I would never hurt them.
Riley: You did when you left.

What made you think you could run your own happy endings side business at The Rub without me finding out?


Linette: I just don't want to be a burden.
Lacey: You're family. You'll always be a burden. But at least with family, you'll never be alone.

Riley: Wow. Selena, I am really surprised.
Selena: What, that I knew what a splosher was?
Riley: That you can bake.

If Travis and Katie see their daddy in a jail cell, they'll never be the same again.


You know, I don't get it Evan. One minute you're a construction worker, the next minute you're a cowboy, then you want to be a cop - what are you, The village People?


Lacey: Unhappy wife equals unhappy life.
Dale: I don't think that's the expression honey.

Give me the camera and I'll take these pictures. Then we need to talk about Dick. (Lacey laughs) I mean what you want to do with this Dick. (Lacey laughs harder) Lacey, will you stop it!


Selena: It pains me to say it, but I actually agree with Disco Barbie.
Riley: You hear that? It's the sound of hell freezin' over.

You know, if you had men like that at your spa givin' massages, you'd have men lined up around the block.


The Client List Quotes

We love each other and that's all that matters.


I just wanted one day of fun for our family.