The desert? C'mon, man, don't be a Vegas cliché.


I don't know if the guilty run, but only the innocent return.


Zoe: What do you think Nick was like as an employee and not a boss?
Pete: Quieter, less yell-ey.

Lisa: What's the "D" stand for though? Nicky Defense? Nicky Do-Right? Nicky Donut?
Zoe: Nicky Dice? Nicky Danger.
Pete: Nicky Doofus.

Pete: Eesh. Kitty's got claws.
Nick: She ain't no Kitty.

Nick: I accidently pressed the panic button on my new fancy, shmancy phone. It's like a super computer.
Pete: I told him it was too complicated for him.
Nick: You can take over the world with this damn thing.
Pete: He just got rid of his landline.
Nick: I mean it even takes pictures.

I don't trust him one little bit. His eyes are too close together.


Who actually ever says "mild mannered?"


Nick: Here's to our worst days.
Pete: And the better ones ahead.

Pete: Vacations with your wife, it's not a valid business deduction. Uh, ring ring! Hello? Oh, Mr. Tax Computer. How are you? Who are you looking for? Nick Morelli? Yeah. Stings, doesn't it.
Nick: I'm gonna sting your ass.

Nick: Is that a new suit?
Pete: This is a perfectly valid tax exemption.
Nick: Pete, this is a business credit card. You cannot write off suits.
Pete: It's not a suit. It's a work uniform.
Nick: You know how they brought Al Capone down? It wasn't the G-men. It was the I-R-S.
Pete: I know. I saw the movie.
Nick: Didn't you learn anything from it?
Pete: Yeah. Don't lie to Robert De Niro if he's holding a baseball bat.

Nick: You look like a truck just hit you.
Pete: So do you.
Nick: Well my best alibi for a sexual assault just OD'd.
Pete: They just put me on a jury! Ok on a scale of things not as bad, I'll admit it.