Brando: You'd like to know my motivation for being here, sitting with you.
Al: You like the part.
Brando [chuckles]: Sinatra hated that I sang Luck Be a Lady in Guys and Dolls. He hates The Godfather. So, I thought I'd piss 'im off. [chuckles] That's the real reason. It's not for the money.

Al: Marlon Brando is interested.
Bob: Brando?
Al: Yeah. Now I got your attention.
Bob: Yeah, for all the wrong reasons. Brando's a fuckin' nightmare, box-office poison, just a very difficult human being. Look, do you want my advice?
Al: Always.
Bob: Don't waste your time. There's plenty of other good actors out there. just move on to someone realistic. And use Andrea. She knows what she's doing, man.

Bettye: What happened?
Al: We got the Staten Island house back.
Bettye: OK.
Al: Colombo bullied the owner into giving it back to us. The guy pissed himself he was so scared. He thought they were gonna fuckin' kill 'im. So did I, actually. [lights a cigarette] I've never felt so dirty in my life.
Bettye: Why would you ask him for help?
Al: I didn't. He overheard Francis tell me about it. The last thing I want is to be in his debt, trust me. I can't get the picture of that guy out of my head.

It's what the movie needs.

Al

Charlie: A word to the wise, Ruddy. When you fail alone, there's no one else to blame.
Al: That's the only way I want it.

Al: What a great part. Sorry, we had to leave early.
Bob: Well, to be honest, I'm surprised you made it at all, what with literally zero cast and more budget concerns. [interruption] Look, producer's tip 101. If your movie's on shaky ground, do not bring that vibe to another man's premiere. Just, no.

I'll tell you what. Ol' blue eyes better start usin' that microphone for singing or I'm going to strangle him with it.

Colombo

Al: You know, Joe, you been so good to me. I just hope when you come to LA that I can return the favor.
Colombo: Yeah, well, that ain't never gonna happen, but thank you, Al.
Al: You don't like LA.
Colombo: No. Fuck LA. You people are one good shake from the whole state fallin' in the ocean. [laughs]

I had wondered where the beautiful cool cats had gone, and here they are.

Bob

Why am I even here? If they won't let me do what they fuckin' hired me to do, WHY AM I EVEN HERE??

Francis

And hey, Ruddy, maybe you can explain to me how Al Pacino has pages, AND I FUCKIN' DON'T!!

Bob

Ruddy: Hey, who is that guy?
Mitch: Bob Evans, head of Paramount. That guy's more connected than God, and yeah, he's always that tan.

The Offer Quotes

I'm going to make an ice blue terrifying film about people you love.

Al

Ruddy: Hey, who is that guy?
Mitch: Bob Evans, head of Paramount. That guy's more connected than God, and yeah, he's always that tan.