The Office Season 5 Episode 28: "Company Picnic" Quotes
[on phone] Oh, Dwight, we're close! Just buy us a few more minutes... Well, they just called me in for an update, so I'll call you right back... Okay... Okay, great. [goes into a private room where Pam and the doctor are] Hey, Dwight, uh... send in the subs! Ohh!Jim
David: Dwight, come on now, it's time to put in the subs.
Charles: Yeah, it looks like Pam won't make it back. Okay?
Dwight: Okay. Fine.
Charles: All right! Come on.
Dwight: Except, you know what? It's not fine. How many people need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? One? Two? Three? Four?
Dwight: No, no, hear me out. Five? Six?
Dwight: Seven? Can I finish please?
I didn't find a perfect moment, because I think that today was just about just having today. And I think that we are one of those couples with a long story, when people ask how they found each other. I will see her every now and then, and... Maybe one year she'll be with somebody, and the next year, I'll be with somebody, and it's gonna take a long time... And then it's perfect. I'm in no rush.Michael
Jim: [on the phone] Yeah, she's with the nurse right now, so you'll have to stall a little longer... No, don't send in the subs yet... Dwight, I don't know. Think of something!
Nurse: To be safe, we should do an x-ray.
Pam: How long will that take?
Nurse: Oh, shouldn't be too bad, it's a slow day. So, no other radiation this year, no metal plates, no chance you're pregnant...
Pam: I'm sorry, can we just hurry this up? I've got a game to get back to.
Nurse: Oh good, because my next question was "do you have a game to get back to."
Michael: Probably shouldn't have mentioned Buffalo.
Michael: Should've had hindsight.
Holly: How do you think it went before the Buffalo thing?
Michael: I think it went well. I think it was good.
Holly: There weren't any laughs.
Michael: No, it was a tough audience.
Holly: Yeah, but we wrote it specifically for this audience.
Michael: Believe me, I have seen a lot of tough audiences in my time, and that was one of them.
Holly: Well, I'm glad we did it.
Michael: Me too. [long pause] We have a lot of good material for next year's sketch.
Holly: I can't wait.
Angela: Kevin! Now it's seven-six, or is that too much accounting for you?
Rolph: Here's an accounting question for you: what does one fiance plus one lover equal? Answer: one whore.
Dwight: Okay, knock it off, Rolph.
Meredith: Maybe we shouldn't play due to the circumstances.
Dwight: Hey, people need volleyball now more than ever.
Pam: How do you figure?
Dwight: Because if we don't play, then the other team wins.
Oscar: Dwight's right. Corporate deserves to get its ass kicked.
Pam: Let's do this.
David: How could you possibly think that the right way to announce a branch closing was in a comedy sketch at the company picnic?
Michael: Well... I didn't know they didn't know.
David: What about the fact that they're here today? What about that? That didn't throw up any alarms? No, Michael needed a little bit for his comedy sketch, and he thought, "oh, this would be really funny."
Michael: Thank you.
David: Damn it, Michael, I told you that in confidence. Now I have to go over and deal with these employees and their families. A little boy just walked up to me and said, "is my daddy gonna have a job by Christmas?"
Michael: Well, he's just thinking about his own gifts.
Holly: The economic downturn has been difficult recently, forcing the closures of both Camden and Yonkers, to be followed soon by what other branch? For five-hundred thousand dollars, is it A.) Scranton, B.) Buffalo, C.) Utica, or D.) toothbrush!
Michael: I will say B, Buffalo! Final answer!
Holly: That is correct!
Man from Buffalo: What is he talking about?
Holly: [pantomimes biting off Michael's fingers, Michael screams] How did you know that?!
Michael: David Wallace told me!!
Woman from Buffalo: David, is this true?
David: Uh, okay everyone, we're at a picnic today...
Man from Buffalo: Are we losing our jobs or not, David?
Holly: They didn't know?
Michael: I guess not.
I usually don't enjoy the theater, but this is delightful.Stanley
David Wallace: [playing volleyball] Nicely done. We're still going to crush you though!
Charles: Yes we are!
Rolph: You suckers are goin' down! They're gonna wipe their asses with your serves! Piss all over your faces!
Dwight: Okay, Rolph! Woah. Wait, wait-
Rolph: It's true!
Toby: This reminds me of the HR convention last fall.
Michael: We could do a movie... sort of thing.
Holly: [gasps] We could do Back to the Future.
Holly: We have to convince Dunder and Mifflin to go back in time... fix their parents. [both laugh]
Michael: Could we get a Delorean?
Holly: Jaws. They swim in the ocean and they terrorize the whole community.
Michael: Oh! [to the theme of "Jaws"] Dun-der. Dun-der...
Holly: Dun-der. Dun-der...
Michael: Dun-der. Dun-der. Dun-der. Dun-der. Blooo!! [both laugh]
Holly: Oh... We haven't found our great idea yet.
Michael: No. No.
Michael: We're circling it.