Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly, has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community. "What is Diwali?" you may ask. Well, to have Kelly explain it, "It's, blah blah blah blah. It's so super, fun, and it's gonna be great!" Lot of gods with unpronouncable names. Twenty minutes later, you find out that it is essentially a Hindu Halloween.

Michael

Michael: Nice dress, Ryan.
Kelly: It's not a dress, it's a kurtha!
Michael: [laughing] Oh, okay.

Michael: [eating pretzel] It tastes so good in my mouth.
Stanley: That's what she said.

Pam: What time is it there?
Jim: What time is it here? Um, we're in the same time zone.
Pam: Uh, oh, yeah, right.
Jim: How far away did you think we were?
Pam: I don't know. It felt far.
Jim: Yeah.

Ryan: They really didn't like me.
Dwight: They did not. But they didn't have to say it to your face.

[to Ryan] When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you.

Dwight

[to Ryan] You have walked the long lonely walk of loneliness.

Dwight

Will Ryan become a slacker, loser, wise ass like Jim or will he join the Dwight Army of Champions?

Dwight

Dwight: Why did Robert Mifflin commit suicide?!
Ryan: Um... he was depressed.
Dwight: Wrong! He hated himself! What ... is the DHARMA Initiative?!

Only 364 days until the next pretzel day.

Stanley

I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.

Stanley

Kelly: Dwight's a freak!
Angela: YOU'RE A FREAK!

The Office Season 3 Quotes

You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.

Michael

Michael: I call everybody faggy. Why would anyone find that offensive?
Toby: I think Oscar would like it if you just used "lame" or something.
Michael: But that's what faggy means!