The Office Season 3 Quotes
There are five stages to grief which are... [reading from computer] Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance and right now, out there. They are all denying the fact that they're sad and that's hard and it's making them all angry. And it is my job to get them all the way through to Acceptance and if not Acceptance then Depression...If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job.
Michael
Andy: Hey. What are we doing? What's the game? I want in.
Jim: Oh, there's no game. We're just trying to get these chips for Karen.
Andy: Did you... check the vending machine?
Karen: Oh, the vending machines! How did we miss that?
Jim: I have no idea. We went right for the copier... and then we checked the fax machine...
Andy: Did you... check... your... butt!?
Dwight: Look. I gave him a six-foot extension cord so he can't chase us.
Michael: That's perfect.
Creed: It's a real shame about Ed, huh?
Michael: Yeah. It must really have you thinking.
Creed: About what?
Michael: The older you get, the bigger the chances you're gonna die. You knew that.
Creed: Ed was decapitated.
Michael: What?
Dwight: Really?
Creed: He was drunk as a skunk. He was flying down Route 6. He slides under an 18 wheeler. Pop. Snaps right off.
Michael: Oh my God.
Dwight: That is the way to go. Instant death. Very smart.
Creed: You know, a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.
Dwight: You're thinking of a chicken.
Creed: What did I say?
[to Angela] If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice.
Dwight
He leaves work, he's on his way home. WHAM, his capa is detated from his head!
Michael
I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn't even work here.
Michael
When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
Dwight
I lost Ed Truck... and it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer... and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I'm terribly, terribly... terribly alone.
Michael
Jan: So, I wanted to let you know that we lost Ed Truck.
Michael: Oh-kay, let me see if I have his cell. Is this the only reason you are calling Jan or does somebody miss me?
Jan: Michael, Ed died over the weekend.
Michael: Oh, wow.
Michael: I shall now be serving Dwight's job as Assistant Regional Manager.
Dwight: That's Assistant to the Regional Manager.
Jan: How would a movie increase productivity, Michael? How on earth would it do that?
Michael: People work faster after.
Jan: Magically?
Michael: No. They have to, to make up for the time they lost ... watching the movie.
Jan: No.