(to Junior upon hearing that he had another uncle) I remember my mother and my father arguing about something and she kept talking about my father's feeble minded brother and I always thought she meant you.


Some people are so far behind in the race that they actually believe they're leading.


Dr. Melfi: Do you want to tell me what you're thinking?
Tony: Believe me you don't want to know. You want to know what I'm thinkin'. Seriously. I'm thinking I'd like to take a brick and smash your fucking face into fucking hamburger.
Dr. Melfi: Do you think making hamburger out of me would make you feel better?
Tony: Mother of Christ. Is this a woman thing? You ask me how I'm feeling. I tell you how I'm feeling and now you're going to torture me with it.

Dr. Melfi: Now that you found out that you have a retarded family member, do you feel better about coming here?
Tony: What?
Dr. Melfi: Is it permissable now? Is it enough of a sad tragedy that you can join the rest of the douchebags?

(on Silvio) Don't let him scare you. He's not really a nasty fuck. He's an incredibly nasty fuck.


(to Richie) There are men in the can, better lookin' than my sister.


(to AJ after he throws a phone) Forgot to tell you I got a job at Radio Shack. Product testing. Giving that phone a F for durability.


(sees blow on guy's moustache) Don't you even own a mirror? You look like you've been French kissing the Pillsbury Doughboy.


Christopher: It's my scene. The gentleman caller guy is not me.
Drama Teacher: It's not supposed to be. That's why they call it acting.

Christopher: (practicing for drama class) He's a player and he's trying to fuck this broad.
Adriana: Where does it say he's trying to fuck her, Christopher?
Christopher: Please.
Adriana: Maybe he's not. Ya ever think that's why he's the gentleman caller? Maybe he's a gentleman.

Acting is mostly feelings unless the actor's driving a car or sword fighting or something.


Christopher: (on seeing Furio) What the fuck! Is he on vacation?
Paulie: Yeah, he saw a travel poster for sunny New Jersey.

The Sopranos Quotes

Junior: A Chinaman goes to see the eye doctor. After the exam the doctor said, "I know why you're having trouble." The Chinaman says, "why?" Doctor said, "you have a cataract." Chinaman says, "no, I have a Rincoln Continental." (short pause) You don't get it?
Bobby: I get it. He drives a Lincoln Continental. What?

(to Junior) Remember the story you told me about the father bull talking to the son. They're up on this hill and looking down on a bunch of cows. And the son goes to the father, "Dad, why don't we run down there and fuck one of these cows?" Now do you remember what the father said? Father says, "Son, why don't we walk down there and fuck them all?"