(to Junior upon hearing that he had another uncle) I remember my mother and my father arguing about something and she kept talking about my father's feeble minded brother and I always thought she meant you.


Some people are so far behind in the race that they actually believe they're leading.


Dr. Melfi: Do you want to tell me what you're thinking?
Tony: Believe me you don't want to know. You want to know what I'm thinkin'. Seriously. I'm thinking I'd like to take a brick and smash your fucking face into fucking hamburger.
Dr. Melfi: Do you think making hamburger out of me would make you feel better?
Tony: Mother of Christ. Is this a woman thing? You ask me how I'm feeling. I tell you how I'm feeling and now you're going to torture me with it.

Dr. Melfi: Now that you found out that you have a retarded family member, do you feel better about coming here?
Tony: What?
Dr. Melfi: Is it permissable now? Is it enough of a sad tragedy that you can join the rest of the douchebags?

(on Silvio) Don't let him scare you. He's not really a nasty fuck. He's an incredibly nasty fuck.


(to Richie) There are men in the can, better lookin' than my sister.


(to AJ after he throws a phone) Forgot to tell you I got a job at Radio Shack. Product testing. Giving that phone a F for durability.


(sees blow on guy's moustache) Don't you even own a mirror? You look like you've been French kissing the Pillsbury Doughboy.


Christopher: It's my scene. The gentleman caller guy is not me.
Drama Teacher: It's not supposed to be. That's why they call it acting.

Christopher: (practicing for drama class) He's a player and he's trying to fuck this broad.
Adriana: Where does it say he's trying to fuck her, Christopher?
Christopher: Please.
Adriana: Maybe he's not. Ya ever think that's why he's the gentleman caller? Maybe he's a gentleman.

Acting is mostly feelings unless the actor's driving a car or sword fighting or something.


Christopher: (on seeing Furio) What the fuck! Is he on vacation?
Paulie: Yeah, he saw a travel poster for sunny New Jersey.

The Sopranos Quotes

Junior: A Chinaman goes to see the eye doctor. After the exam the doctor said, "I know why you're having trouble." The Chinaman says, "why?" Doctor said, "you have a cataract." Chinaman says, "no, I have a Rincoln Continental." (short pause) You don't get it?
Bobby: I get it. He drives a Lincoln Continental. What?

I stick motherfucking provolone in my socks at night so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning! All right? So leave the fucking, cocksucking cheese where it is!