Five: You know, planting her in a psych ward, taking advantage of my simpleton brother, that was smart.
Handler: Well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Five: She's your--
Handler: Daughter, yes. And she's my only one, so I'd appreciate if you didn't crush her windpipe.

Five: I need some time to think about it.
Handler: Fine. But remember Doomsday is right around the corner, and the way things are going, I’m your only option.
Five: Not yet, you aren’t.

Luther: Vanya, of all people, you should hate Dad the most.
Vanya: Come on, can he really be that bad?
Luther: Okay, well let’s see. He isolated you from the rest of the family.
Diego: Kept you hopped up on pills.
Luther: And he brainwashed you into thinking you have no powers.
Vanya: Jesus, this guy. I mean, come on, I have to meet him.

You can’t just go out there and tell them that the world is gonna end. You know what can happen to cults when things go sideways.

Ben

Keechie: When we admit our own fraudulence, only then can we experience true humility.
Klaus: No, no, no, no, no! That is NOT what I meant.

Ray: So there was a BLACK president?
Allison: We’ve been through this!
Ray: Like “black” black. In the white house?

Handler: Falling for your mark. It’s so cliché.
Lila: That’s so ridiculous.
Handler: Is it? So, you’d kill him if I asked you to?
Lila: [thinks]
Handler: You hesitated.

Klaus: I can’t take a piss without you nitpicking at my aim.
Ben: Oh without me, you’d be dead in a ditch somewhere.

Even if I believed you… which I don’t … this is what I signed up for. It’s an honor to die for my country. That’s what you peaceniks don’t understand.

Dave

What would possess me to adopt seven ill-mannered malcontents?

Reginald

Reginald: Not only have you burglarized my lab, set my chimp loose, conned your way into the Mexican consulate, repeatedly stalked and attacked me, but you have on numerous occasions called me…
Klaus: Hey, Pop. How’s it hanging.
Reginald: -Dad.

You fancy yourself a dogooder. The last good man who will save us from our descent into corruption and conspiracy. This is a fantastic delusion. The sad reality is that you’re a desperate man tragically unaware of his own insignificance.

Reginald

The Umbrella Academy Season 2 Episode 6 Quotes

Five: This world ends in five days if we don’t get out of the timeline.
Reginald: Worlds end. Paleozoic, Jurassic, and so on.
Five: We can do something about this one.
Reginald: Man’s greatest flaw: The illusion of control.

You fancy yourself a dogooder. The last good man who will save us from our descent into corruption and conspiracy. This is a fantastic delusion. The sad reality is that you’re a desperate man tragically unaware of his own insignificance.

Reginald