Dwight: I've seen some tough women in my life, but sweetheart, you take the cake. I owe you my life, you know that.
Stacy: No shit.
Dwight: I know we don't have a traditional relationship.
Stacy: Oh, this isn't normal to you?
Dwight: I'm gonna find this Waltrip.
Stacy: No, you're not. He's gone.

Dwight: Do you still think I overplayed my hand?
Waltrip: Will ya fuck off. [Dwight kills him]

Dwight: Are you even a lawyer?
Elliott: If I'm not, I just committed a felony.

Bodhi: Can I get you anything?
Dwight: You got a chair?

Tina: Tell me this isn't happening again.
Dwight: I'm sorry, Tina.

Tyson: So what was that about?
Dwight: Broken tail light. Forgot my gun back at the hotel.

Ben: Hey, they say you were in the mafia?
Dwight: Nah. There's no such a thing.

My hand is wrapped around a fuckin' 357 Magnum with a 158 green hollow points that will leave a hole you can put your fuckin' fist through! You wanna see your loved ones tonight, I want you to rethink whatever stupid, ill-conceived idea that moronic biker is putting you up to, get in your car, put it in gear, and drive the fuck away.


Mitch: What are we doin' here man, dealing with the bad news fuckin' bears?
Dwight: Yeah, tell me about it. We're looking for some evil-doing buddies here. Your friends need some money?

Clara: Who the fuck are you?
Armand: I should have never come here in the first place; that's who the fuck I am. I should have stayed in Brooklyn.

Yesterday, watching them lower my father's casket into the ground, you know what I realized, Uncle Dwight? You are the last vestige of my father that I got left. I'm comin' to visit. Me, Vince, Goody. We have dinner, we break bread, we show everybody that we are unified.


Chickie: He's got a crew? Besides Armand?
Goody: Yeah. He gets his weed from the Indians, some cowboy runs the bar, and the black kid drives him around. It's like the fuckin' Village People.
Chickie: You serious?
Goody: Yeah, yeah. And get this, Pete. The titsoon? He's wearing the ring you gave Dwight.
Chickie: What?
Goody: The pinkie ring Dwight used to wear? The black kid's wearin' it.

Tulsa King Quotes

I married this life, and after keeping my mouth shut for all these years, I'm gonna see if it married me back.


Dwight [exiting the airport and accosted by a grasshopper]: Whoa! What the hell is that?
Woman: It's a grasshopper. They're harmless.
Dwight: That thing's the size of my cock!
Woman: Excuse me?
Dwight: Actually, I'm more endowed than that, so [she sprays him in the face with holy water].