Dwight [exiting the airport and accosted by a grasshopper]: Whoa! What the hell is that?
Woman: It's a grasshopper. They're harmless.
Dwight: That thing's the size of my cock!
Woman: Excuse me?
Dwight: Actually, I'm more endowed than that, so [she sprays him in the face with holy water].

• Permalink: Actually, I'm more endowed than that, so .
• Added: November 11, 2022

I married this life, and after keeping my mouth shut for all these years, I'm gonna see if it married me back.

Dwight

• Permalink: I married this life, and after keeping my mouth shut for all these years, I'm gonna see if it...
• Added: November 11, 2022

You know, someone's got to slap some good grammar into your mouth and that's gonna be me.

Dwight

• Permalink: You know, someone's got to slap some good grammar into your mouth and that's gonna be me.
• Added: November 11, 2022

Dwight: I need to see your books.
Bodhi: My books?
Dwight: Yeah, your books, your ledgers, files, whatever you got.
Bodhi: Are you from the government?
Dwight: I just knocked your guard out cold, and you think I'm a CPA?

• Permalink: I just knocked your guard out cold, and you think I'm a CPA?
• Added: November 11, 2022

Donny: Donny Shore. What can I do ya for?
Dwight: Perry Como. Nice to meet you.

• Permalink: Perry Como. Nice to meet you.
• Added: November 11, 2022

Bodhi: Isn't that illegal?
Dwight: You sell pot, for Chrissakes.

• Permalink: You sell pot, for Chrissakes.
• Added: November 11, 2022