Two and a Half Men Season 9 Quotes
I haven't had any pride since the gym showers in seventh grade.
Alan
I can't possibly produce enough sperm or blood to get myself out of the hole i'm in.
Alan
In the dating game, wedding rings are like kryptonite. If superman was a vagina.
Alan
Walden: Your son makes one heck of a wingman.
Jake: You make it easy boss.
Alan: It wasn't a nut house, it was a stress clinic.
Jake: What's the difference?
Alan: About $2500 / week.
Alan: Oh thank god I'm still in a looney bin.
Gary Busey: It's a stress clinic.
I'm soaking wet and i had to give a truck driver half a handy to get here.
Alan
Walden: Is he prone to mental breakdowns?
Berta: Prone? No. Eligible? Certainly.
I'll give you a hint, I didn't do the dog people style.
Alan
Jake: Uncle Charlie never treated me like a stupid kid.
Alan: That's nice.
Jake: He treated me more like a stupid person.
Man they got my good bong.
Jake
Walden: We're talk songs, thongs, bongs and schlongs.
Alan: If he had an autobiography, that'd be the title.
