She values 8 percent of me.

Andy [on Nancy]

Shane: Ask me why I'm like a musician.
Nancy: Why are you like a musician?
Shane: Because I'm playing that detective like a fiddle!

Let him back into your life or I'll come to one of your faggoty track meets and take a bat to your kneecaps.


Fleecing New York’s upper crust while they’re on vacation is a Botwin family tradition.


Silas: You had Emma arrested.
Nancy: Emma had Emma arrested.
Silas: That's bullshit.
Nancy: That's business.

Une M're Que J'aimerias Baiser. It's french, for MILF.


Well France makes good wine. I think it's the soil. Or the water. Or the alcohol.


Andy: Long Island Iced Teas are delicious. What's in them?
Nancy: Everything.

Where’s all this macho bullshit coming from? You used to be so sweet.


He’s pissed at everybody. It’s impotent rage. For me, it all came out with Pilar.


Shane: He downloaded our database.
Silas: Fucking rat.
Shane: I prefer the term informant.

You guys fund me. I could become the Grey Goose of weed.


Weeds Season 7 Quotes

I thought they were saying bi-Andy. What? You do shave your legs.


Nancy: Where's Agent Lipschitz?
Official: Maybe he's somewhere trying to change his name.