I’m getting a do-over. I’m going to make it count.


Well that’s what we do, we fuck up. And then we try to fix it and we fuck it up some more. And we do it the most with our family because that’s the safest place to practice. But that’s the shit that makes you a man.


Nancy: You’re a coward. You’ve always been a coward.
Jill: Cowards have a funny way of being awarded custody.

Silas: She’s never going to forgive me.
Andy: First things first, you need to apologize. Good Lord and Creator made us fellable creatures. And who knows, maybe it’ll all be fine. Maybe she wont lose Stevie. She’ll probably lose Stevie but she’d kill Jill first. Maybe she’d have Shane do it.

Our family is breaking apart.


Heylia: Get out.
Nancy: Heylia, it was all a big misunderstanding. None of it was Silas’s fault. Please don’t cut him off.
Heylia: I learned that you and your son are one in the same. And I’ve had enough.

You know how I said the only two things she really cares about are her business and herself? There’s one other thing.


Dean: OMG we're being mugged by Sarah Palin.
Heylia: We're being jacked.
Dean: There's a difference?

No, no, I’m not a taker of sides. I float in the ambiguous middle ground. Still beloved, my relationships unsullied. Once you two idiots get past this little kafuffle…I don’t get involved.


Let me ask you something, did he ever hit you? Did he ever tell you were shit? Fondle your balls? Then quit acting like moody emo dickhole. Mitch may be may be a self hating alcoholic mess but he loves the crap out of you. Let him back into your life or I swear to God I’ll come to fagitty track meets and take a bat to your knee cap.


Demetri: Now let's have angry sex on the kitchen counter.
Nancy: Timing, Demetri.

I kind of want to touch his bicep, like once. Why is that?


Weeds Season 7 Quotes

I thought they were saying bi-Andy. What? You do shave your legs.


Nancy: Where's Agent Lipschitz?
Official: Maybe he's somewhere trying to change his name.