Your face is the saddle Jenna's been giddy-upping on?

Wilfred (to Ryan)

It's true. I do talk to Wilfred. He's the only one that's actually helping me.


Wilfred: It's not gay. It's funny. It's edgy.
Ryan: Wilfred, you put your penis in my mouth while I was asleep. Then you took a picture of it and put it on a coffee mug.

Arturo wants Joffrey to spend more time with the Ramos family so he can learn Spanish. What's next, landscaping camp?


Working for him was what made you get all "kill-yourself-y" in the first place.

There's a missing three minutes...just enough time for her to take a ride on some bank teller's moustache.

She is swamping for this homewrecker.

Look at her, acting all innocent like she isn't cheating on Drew with some tramp!

Thanks for the devagification.


Bear! Don't live! I can't go on without you being dead!

I'm a complete failure. My father was right about me when he looked me in the eye and said [starts panting].

Classic Margo...couldn't hear death if it was knocking on her door.

Wilfred Quotes

Ryan: I thought it would make me sound Effete.
Wilfred: So does saying the word "effete."

Ryan: Get off.
Wilfred: I'm trying to!