Your death will be my holiday.

Wilfred [to Drew]

Ryan: What's the one thing Jenna hates about Drew?
Wilfred: Vaginal tearing from his huge cock?

Ryan: You son of a bitch!
Wilfred: How is that an insult? I've never understood that.

I hope you're proud of yourself Ryan. I'm gonna be up all night licking Jenna's tears. Do you know what all that sodium's gonna do to my blood pressure?

You're not me. You're a good person. And you're a person.

Ryan: I'm not crazy.
Wilfred: Said the man to the dog.

Chemistry, baking and ping pong... how were you not blow jobbed to death by the entire cheerleading squad?

Ryan: I feel bad.
Wilfred: That's just your conscience being a total gaylord.

Wilfred: Please tell me that donkey faced thing with the braces is not the chick you're going out with.
Ryan: She doesn't have braces.
Wilfred: Yeah you just can't see 'em, because they're probably on her legs. How do you think she supports that massive donkey face?

Mrs. Newman is my slave name. You can call me Catherine.

Catherine

Catherine: Indian Chief, woo woo woo woo. That was a little racist but it was fun.
Wilfred: How is that racist? Indians do that all the time.

A bone? That's like giving a basketball to a black guy.

Wilfred Quotes

Ryan: I thought it would make me sound Effete.
Wilfred: So does saying the word "effete."

Ryan: Get off.
Wilfred: I'm trying to!